One of the first questions that I ask every woman I talk or work with is, "What is it that you really want?"
No, not what you think you should want. Not what you feel you are supposed to want. Not what your family, friends or children want for you, but what do you want?
So often this is a question that drives the answer, "I don't know". And here is what I have say to that: I don't believe you.
It's not that I think you are lying, but rather, it is that I don't think you are telling the truth -- your truth. The truth that lies deep down inside where we keep our desires, our fantasies and our passions. It is the truth that we are so often afraid to speak because we fear the consequences of it. That if we speak it, someone we love won't be happy with us, will be angry with us, will leave us or let us go, or simply won't love us anymore.
Many of you share your truth with me and when I ask you what is holding you back from sharing it with the people in your life, you tell me that you are afraid of what will happen. That you are waiting for 100 percent certainty that what you know you want is really what you want, and that it will be okay.
Here's the skinny: it will be okay. And you absolutely do know exactly what you want, even if you are afraid of saying it out loud.
However, if you haven't created relationships that are built on the complete truth of who you are, how you feel and what you want, there will be discomfort with shifting to a life that is.
- You may hurt someone you love...unintentionally.
- You may lose relationships.
- You may feel alone or insecure with finally embracing and speaking what you know you really want deep down inside.
I believe that many divorces are caused by one of the individuals within the marriage being scared to speak the truth about how they feel as they grow and evolve. So they don't. And as a result of not speaking this truth, the relationship is built on a lack of complete honesty. And it is impossible to co-create an extraordinary relationship together when the truth is not present.
Some of us have struggled with how to speak our truth when we know it may hurt someone we care about and that it may end a relationship.
Some of us have been on the receiving end of hearing the truth from someone we love. And it did hurt. But knowing that truth, over the long run, allowed us to move forward in understanding our own.
Sometimes this truth is cause for a marriage/relationship to end. But sometimes, this truth allows us to grow closer, to grow and evolve, and to co-create something even stronger and deeper.
What makes it even more complicated is that once we own our truth, it can be extremely frightening and difficult to communicate it in a way that is compassionate and kind. And so again, so many choose to avoid it altogether and hope it goes away. The trouble is that we, at our core, always know how we feel and what we want, even if we try to ignore it. It doesn't go away. And there is a way to communicate our truth in a way that will get us exactly what we desire in life and in love.
Building relationships where both individuals are free to speak their truth is the only way to have a sustainable and extraordinary relationship.
When you build a life around your truth -- with friends, with your children, with family and in love -- you will experience a freedom, peace and harmony that you may have never experienced. All it takes is learning how to speak it.
Let me ask you: what would it mean if you were free to live your life the way you wanted and honor how you really feel? What if you gave yourself permission to speak your truth in all of your relationships?