12/27/2012 05:02 pm ET Updated Feb 26, 2013

Mind-Altering With Estrogen and Chocolate!

Flickr: Porto Bay Hotels & Resorts Event

If anyone asks me how I spent my Christmas vacation, I have a uniquely midlife answer. I have been conducting my own in-depth study of the effects of no estrogen on my brain!

Background: I have been using the lowest level of bio-identical estrogen in a skin patch for the past year or so. Now that I'm "pushing 60," (by the way, I really hate that expression!) I need to get off the patch. One might think that getting completely off estrogen wouldn't be a problem. You would be wrong, especially during the holidays.

My goal is to get each consecutive patch to last a few extra days until I simply don't need them anymore. How do I know it's time for a new one? I have discovered that I need a new patch when I burst into tears without warning, and for no apparent reason, or when I lash out at complete strangers, suddenly biting their heads off. Then I proceed to unconsciously replace the missing hormone with high-fat, high-sugar fantasy foods, indulging endlessly. Happy Holidays, indeed!

In short, it is now so much easier for me to see the direct correlation between tiny amounts of estrogen and happiness. And when I don't get my present drug of choice, my brain demands vast quantities of dark chocolate and pumpkin pie. However, these treats do not cure my irrational crying bouts and other miscellaneous acts of craziness.

I write this post not just for my fellow menopausal women friends who most certainly will relate and commiserate with me, but especially for those unsuspecting men who love us. I know, you are probably wondering: WTF?

Trust me, you wouldn't want to be in the middle of this crazy-making hormone storm at Christmastime or any other time of year, but it seems impossible to escape at the moment.

My husband's response? "Stop the slaughter of innocent spouses!"