Now that it looks like The Donald (Trump, not the Duck) will be the GOP candidate for President of The United States (I can't believe I'm actually writing this), who would best complement his sensibility and temperament as his Vice Presidential running mate? Obviously another reality star to match his celebrity attitude and opinions is a no brainer (in more ways than one)... Andrew Dice Clay is the logical choice!
Since Clay's character was bludgeoned to death in HBO's "Vinyl" making way for his unreality cable tour-de-farce "Dice," after years of well-deserved obscurity, with his star status back from the living dead (American's love a comeback) the time and circumstance seems perfect for his candidacy.
As for compatibility, listen to their own words:
Dice - "I really don't care what anybody thinks of what I do..."
Trump - "The bad press really doesn't matter as long as I have a sexy girlfriend"
Dice - "I always loved women..."
Trump - "There's nothing I love more than women..."
Dice - "They should have a sign at the airport that reads, 'Look, if you don't know the language, get the f#ck out of the country!'
Trump - "This is a country where we speak English, not Spanish."
Dice- -"I try to feed my fans with the kind of material they expect from me.."
Trump - "I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot people and I wouldn't lose voters"
Dice - "You think I don't have gay friends, black friends, female friends? I never had any problems with them at all."
Trump - "I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be gay, but I am a traditionalist."
Dice - "I tell a [penis] joke, and people want to give me the electric chair; what's goin' on in this country?"
Trump - "My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well documented, are various other parts of my body."
Just imagine the press conferences with this team in The White House!
Comedians running for the presidency is nothing new
Gracie Allen - In 1940, Gracie, the female half of the Burns & Allen comedy team announced for the presidency on the Surprise Party Ticket. The mascot, a kangaroo, with the slogan, "It's in the bag." Accompanied by her husband George Burns, she performed on radio stations across the country and received thousands of votes, along with the endorsement of the students at Harvard University. Refusing a running mate, Allen insisted she would not tolerate 'vice' in her administration.
Pat Paulsen - In 1968, Paulsen won an Emmy for his satirical double-talking on the controversial "Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour" and decided to run for president under the Straight Talking American Government Party (S.T.A.G.). What started as a joke, went viral before there was an internet and led to campaigns from 1968 through 1996. Some memorable comments from Paulsen included:
"I must choose my words carefully in order to avoid any negative interpretation. Among politicians, this is a tactic known as lying."
"Having a comic in the White House will assure stability in foreign relations. The world will continue to respond to foreign initiatives by saying, 'You must be joking.'"
In 1968 Paulsen received more than 200,000 votes! In 1992 he came in second to George Bush in the North Dakota Republican Primary and in the '92 Republican Party primaries totaled 10,984 votes. Then in the 1996 New Hampshire primary, he garnered 921 votes (1%) to finish second to President Bill Clinton... no joke.
Dick Gregory - With Nixon in the White House in 1968, it was a good year for comedians. Political activist and comedian Dick Gregory launched his campaign printing fake dollar bills with his face and a peace sign that read: "For President of - The United States of America - Gregory - One Vote." An early civil rights leader, Gregory would confront predominantly white audiences in the 60's with commentary like:
"Last time I was down South I walked into this restaurant and this white waitress came up to me and said, 'We don't serve colored people here.' I said, "That's all right. I don't eat colored people. Bring me a whole fried chicken."
But Gregory wasn't just joking around. During his campaign and after he continued to advocate for a break-up of the two party system, to stop forcing democracy on the world at gunpoint, cuts to congressional salaries and perks, rewards for uncovering political corruption, taxes on 'excess profits,' leadership in eliminating world hunger, and the elimination of capital punishment, among other policies. In the end he garnered some 47,000 votes in the election.
Roseanne Barr - In 2012, Roseanne announced her candidacy on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno," running on the 'Green Tea Party' with bumper sticker suggestions like "It's time we had a president with some nuts." But after an unsuccessful attempt to unseat Jill Stein for the Green Party candidacy, she ran on the Peace and Freedom Party ticket. Like her humor, there was a serious undercurrent to her platform, including women's rights, marriage equality, forgiveness of student loan debt, single-payer healthcare, marijuana legalization and increased opportunities for the working class and generated over 67,000 votes. Sound familiar? Feel 'the Bern'!
Stephen Colbert - And who could forget the presidential aspirations of Stephen Colbert in 2008? The official announcement came in October 2007, on 'The Colbert Report' proclaiming himself South Carolina's 'favorite son' with Doritos as his sponsor. Declaring, "I defy any other candidate to pander more to the people of South Carolina." This challenge could not go unanswered by John Edwards, the Democratic candidate from South Carolina, who daringly shot back, "As the candidate of Doritos, his hands are stained by corporate corruption and nacho cheese." (Edward's hands would later be stained elsewhere). Colbert originally planned to run for both the Republican and Democratic nominations, but couldn't bring himself to write the $35,000 application fee to the Republican party and opted instead for the $2,500 Democratic requirement. The next day the South Carolina Democratic Party executive council voted 13-3 to refuse Colbert's application, and so ended his brief flirt with the presidency.
The Film "Network" Comes to Life
In the words of Aaron Sorkin, "no predictor of the future -- not even Orwell -- has ever been as right as Chayefsky was when he wrote 'Network.' " With news departments now designated as 'entertainment,' and anchors judged on appearance and ethnicity and coverage dumbed down and exploited to reach the widest possible audience. As greedy non-productive investment bankers and corporate raiders siphon billions out of the economy to pay off a bloated corrupt political system, could Donald Trump actually be this generations' Howard Beale, screaming "I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore!" ... It's not funny.