Geneva, Switzerland -- Tribunal Broadcasting, a new television network and clothing line recently created by a more modern International War Crimes Tribunal, today announced that former United States Vice President Dick Cheney had been convicted of war crimes for authorizing torture. As a punishment, Cheney was immediately sentenced to the new reality show Dick Plus Eight!
Cheney was immediately detained and sent to an undisclosed location off Ventura Blvd. in Studio City, California. He will be held at "Dick House" for a period of not less than 13 episodes. Judges also ruled that Cheney would have to appear on a reunion show.
Tribunal chief legal consul Hamilton Burger explained the sentence. "Being on a realty show is perhaps the fastest legal way to ruin someone's life and seems a fitting punishment for a man such as Cheney who has clung to secrecy. Also, it's more entertaining that traditional punishment. Additionally, the lower production costs of a reality show make it cost effective. Plus, we were rippin' high when we came up with the idea."
The show's premise is described as a cross between Survivor, Big Brother, Lord Of The Flies and CNN's Crossfire except with real fire. Dick Cheney and eight other exiled politicians and celebrities will have their every move monitored on camera for four months.,
Other cast members include Dick Cheney's lesbian daughter Mary Cheney, Dick Cheney's evil daughter Liz Cheney, former Cheney employee George W. Bush, former Idaho Senator Larry Craig, former vice presidential nominee John Edwards, talk show host Michael Savage, political blogger Andrew Sullivan and reality star Kate Gosselin.
Burger said "Our twist on the formula is that all contestants will be completely naked and given a set of steak knives. There are no games or challenges - just the raw spectacle of nude middle aged and elderly people with a variety of grudges and normal human urges and a full set of shiny sharp steak knives."
America is expected to watch and to be ashamed of themselves for watching but to keep watching and watching. Vegas oddmakers put the smart money on Dick Cheney.