Note: Do not read on if you have not yet seen Season 2, Episode 2 of HBO's "Girls" titled "I Get Ideas."
Here's the thing about relationships: They usually end. The newly-single are then left pondering their flaws and possibly morphing into psychopaths, as evidenced by the second episode of Season 2 of "Girls."
Marnie is alone, George dumps Elijah because he f***ed Marnie (it was only three pumps!), Adam is sending Hannah shirtless videos of himself singing about his broken heart, and Hannah decides to break up with Sandy because he's a Republican.
Shoshanna and Jessa appear to be blissfully in love, but if "Girls" has taught us anything it's that twenty-something relationships always go horribly wrong ... right?
Let's revisit the misadventures of Hannah, Marnie, Shoshanna and Jessa in "I Get Ideas."
Hannah:
Despite the unemployed mess she's in, Hannah is still convinced she's doing pretty well for herself. She's writing fantastic essays, dating a really responsible guy, and even wearing shorteralls which are really in right now.
Her "I'm doing a great job at life" mentality only goes so far, though. Hannah is also taking offense to everyone and everything in her life. When Elijah tells her that he doesn't think Adam is in a "murdering mindset" despite his desperate attempts to get her back via web videos, Hannah accuses Elijah of meaning that Adam "didn't love her enough" to murder her.
Similarly, Hannah automatically jumps to the conclusion that Marnie thinks Hannah isn't "pretty enough for a pretty person job" when Marnie tells her she doesn't have the "disposition" to be a hostess at a restaurant. Hannah then goes on to exclaim that tons of different kinds of guys like her: "Black guys, Republicans, et al."
Speaking of black Republicans, Hannah is becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the fact that her responsible boyfriend Sandy is a Republican. When Sandy tells her "nothing really happened" in one of the fantastic essays she wrote, Hannah immediately decides his political views are a giant problem. Hannah doesn't know much about the economy (I have no idea how she's even paying rent at the moment), so she immediately attacks the social views of the Republican party, including gay rights and gun laws, tossing in the fact that two out three people on death row are black men.
Their argument escalates into a full-blown fight in which Hannah inserts the Missy Elliot lyric "flip it and reverse it" and then tells Sandy she'd never once thought about the fact that he was black until he brought it up. Bad move, Hannah. They break up, she asks if he wants to have sex, he says no, she leaves. She didn't want to have sex anyway!
Hannah retreats to her bed and watches YouTube videos about how to cut her own bangs, because she really only likes herself right now anyway. Adam soon shows up uninvited and unannounced, which Hannah finds so offensive and creepy that she calls 911. After chasing Adam around her apartment in her ever-stylish shorteralls, the cops come. Hannah desperately attempts to explain that she just wanted to take out a restraining order, and then decides that the cops are in the wrong and tells them it seems kind of alarmist that they come every time someone calls.
For a notoriously introspective girl, Hannah sure could sure use a giant dose of self-reflection right about now.
Marnie:
For whatever reason, things just aren't breaking Marnie's way right now. Donning a chic Ann Taylor pantsuit, she marches confidently into an interview where she talks in detail about the farmer's markets in her hometown of Montclair, New Jersey with a spazzy woman played by Lena Dunham's mom, Laurie Simmons. Marnie doesn't get the job, because TV Laurie Simmons "doesn't really see her in the art world." Ouch.
Returning home after her crappy interview to find Shoshanna and Ray in bed together whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears, Marnie groans and tells them she doesn't want to "be around people who don't hate everything in their life right now." Fair enough -- after all, misery loves company -- but Shoshanna and Ray immediately get to work on cheering her up.
They tell her she could easily "get a pretty person job." Not modeling, of course, but she could at least be a hostess.
Much to my relief, something finally went right for Marnie. She didn't land her dream job, but at least she has a decent source of income, which is more than can be said for Hannah, who's making forty dollars a day working as a barista at Grumpy's.
Shoshanna:
Episode 2 wasn't very Sosh-centric, but I feel comfortable saying this with conviction: Shoshanna and Ray are totes in love. They spend tons of time tucked happily between Shoshanna's pink sheets, where Shoshanna divulges her hopes and dreams, including the fact that she wishes Ray had gone to camp with her when she was a kid. I guess those emjois weren't a deal breaker after all?
Ah, first love. It's very cute and extremely nauseating.
Jessa:
Marriage has made Jessa a little too wise for her own good. She coaches Hannah on everything from how she should be treated by her man to politics. There is no difference between Democrats and Republicans, she explains. They're all assholes. After all, "Bill Clinton's the one who got rid of our Glass-Steagall act, which is why our economy's in the toilet."
More importantly, Thomas-John has been showering Jessa with gifts on a regular basis, the latest being three puppies in a basket. She and Hannah put their heads together and decide to name them F***er, Garbage, and Hannukah. Classy.
Jessa appears to be happy living in her cushy Brooklyn apartment with her brand new hubby, but what do they actually have in common besides their "rising star signs"? I mean, is this marriage actually going to last longer than Kim Kardashian's?
Perhaps Marnie's crappy luck as of late is karma for stringing Charlie along for years, but I can't help being on her side right now. Yes, she's the bitchiest, most uptight and arguably least likable of the four. But as Hannah, Shoshanna and Jessa are blindly feeling their way through their semi-disastrous lives, Marnie's actually trying. What more can you ask for from a person?
"Girls" airs on Sundays at 9 p.m. EST on HBO.
