04/16/2014 03:16 pm ET Updated Jun 16, 2014

Bible Nudniks

Whether they think every word in the Bible is true and want to beat you over the head with it, or every word in it is false and it has to be ripped to shreds to show how rational they are, Bible Nudniks are everywhere.

Catastrophes, natural events, and holidays bring them out in droves.

They've been very busy this week. The Washington Post reports that some Christians are claiming that the recent "Blood Moon" means Jesus is coming, the Rapture is coming, something is coming. Probably more fund-raising for sure.

And then there's Passover. Writing in the Israeli paper Haaretz, grad student Josh Mintz exposes the Passover narrative as -- I hope you're sitting down and leaning! -- impossible. Why? Because 600,000 families couldn't possibly have left Egypt. That would mean 2 million people.

And they left no traces. No pottery shards. The Egyptian Bureau of Labor also apparently never mentioned masses leaving the country, the Egyptian Dow never fell the way we'd expect, and the Land of Milk and Honey's Immigration and Customs Control Department is silent on the matter, too.

He doesn't mention it, but I assume the lack of graffiti in the Sinai reading "Moses was here" is conclusive, too.

Both sides need a sense of proportion, a sense of poetry, and a sense of humor.