04/17/2014 09:34 pm ET Updated Jun 17, 2014

Bible Pests

Recounting the Ten Plagues at Passover makes me think of a contemporary plague we've been seeing in full force just this past week: Bible pests.

Whether they think every word in the Bible is literally true or it's all fiction, Bible Pests are everywhere.

They were swarming this week in response to the Blood Moon because it shows up in The Book of Joel and Acts, apparently presaging something momentous. Neither book's author says what or when, but hey, that's par for the course. The Bible is filled with vague prophecies. Pick a page, get a prediction.

I thought that was wacky, but the week had more to offer. At first I thought Andy Borowitz was writing under a pseudonym in Haaretz this week, but no such luck. It was just Josh Mintz exposing the shocking, yes shocking, truth that the Passover narrative can't be accurate because 600,000 families couldn't possibly have left Egypt. That would have meant 2 million people.

Where he was going with this is that the Exodus is basically just a metaphor, and Jews should get over ancient enmity with Egyptians for slavery since it probably never happened. I know plenty of Jews who cannot get over the Holocaust and hating Germany, but I've never met one who's still steamed about bricklaying his ancestors did 3500 years ago.

The thought of it had me howling at that bloody moon myself.