01/23/2013 01:59 am ET Updated Mar 24, 2013

'New Girl' Recap: Morning Wood, Koala Claws And Serial Killers

Note: Do not read on if you have not yet seen Season 2, Episode 14 of FOX "New Girl," titled "Pepperwood."

What do you get when you mix up Jess' quirks, Nick's ample free time, and a short story about a stabbed deer? Comedy, with a touch of macabre.

In this week's "New Girl," Jess is super proud of herself for getting through to a student (brilliant
zinger no. 1: the annoyance bowl). She gives her adult students a descriptive imagery assignment and one of them, Edgar, writes such a spectacular story, she insists Nick reads it.

Winston, whose hours are reversed since he works nights, wakes up to find everyone in the kitchen -- including Cece in a beautiful kimono style robe. Turns out, Winston has healthy circulation in the morning, which Cece soon feels when she bumps into him, private area to private area.

Behold: the pogo.

Despite initial protest, Nick reads Edgar's piece and finds it "psychotic." Umm ... I would too. The man describes dressing up as a gimp and hiding in the bushes until the big-eyed deer passes by, after which he stabs it to death and splashes in his blood. Since Jess won't heed his warnings, Nick decides to investigate. Might as well. What else does he have going on?

Winston, who feels terribly awkward about the incident with Cece, consults with Schmidt, who accidentally spills about "the pogo," i.e. what your friends talk about when you leave the room. In this case, it's Winston poking everyone with his very own pogo stick. It happened with Schmidt once, with Jess twice. Even Nick's pizza got poked. This opens up a Pandora's box.

Back in class, Jess (in her ever appropriate nesting dolls dress) praises her class for their liberal use of adjectives when Nick comes in. Or rather, Julius Pepperwood comes in. Masquerading as an ex-cop ex-marine, Nick Pepperwood is there to protect Jess and look into the weirdo with the cuckoo deer stabbing story. This involves stealing Edgar's notebook and compiling a sketch board, "Homeland" style.

In the apartment, Schmidt tries to find out what his "pogo" is. It isn't that he dances like a water snake; it isn't that he barges into people's showers; it isn't his caterpillar eyebrows -- zinger no. 2 and the best thing ever is Schmidt's half-shaved eyebrows. I die. It's not even his face mole. Apparently, our ladies' man has a case of barnacle toenails.

Nick is determined to drive over to Edgar's house and prove his theory right. Jess, hoping to dissuade him and/or be there to bail him out of jail for trespassing, joins in. This provides for a much needed Nick-Jess alone time. Quite possibly, the best platonic-with-potential relationship since Chandler and Monica ... just with sex appeal.

They find out Edgar lives with his mother and upon spying on him drag a duffle bag out of his "Painless Plumbing" van, decide unanimously he's a killer. Safe word: apricot.

When Jess and Nick get home -- now that the cat is out of the bag (not the duffle bag) -- they want to know their respective pogos. Jess' is -- you'll be amazed -- that she's a know-it-all. Nick's is actually sweet. His roommates are worried that he doesn't take care of himself so Schmidt crushes pills into his food and they take turns stuffing bills into his pants pockets before putting them in the dryer (zinger no. 3 - Cece's baby voice. Where has this silly side been?).

At Edgar's house, Nick attempts to make his way into the shed and find out what's in the duffle bag. Standing on a ladder and peeking through a window, he sees oh-so creepy drawings of Jess look-alikes with googly eyes and plenty of weaponry. At that exact moment, Edgar walks into Jess' office hours to find her yelling "apricots!" into her iPhone. He tells her, quite eerily (I swear, I got spooked), that he decided on an ending for his main character and she shall die. Jess tries a rebuttal, but her ringtone scares him off when he realizes he had heard it the day before, outside his house. Nick, finally inside the shed, is hit upside the head by Edgar's mom. Jess comes to his rescue just as Edgar starts pulling him out, and Edgar's mom -- OK, fine, she's not his mom! - sprays her with pepper spray.

Well, what do you know -- Edgar is not a murderer. He's just very creative and not good at drawing eyes (hence the googly ones). Oh, and yeah. That old lady is his girlfriend.

Post their near-death experience, Nick decided to take care of himself. That, of course, means bacon for breakfast, extra butter and salt on top. Jess finds that he started writing again, "Julius Pepperwood: Zombie Detective." All of his murder victims are already dead. Genius.

Best Quotes:

Nick: "Look at that font! What is this, amateur hour? At least use Palatino."

Jess: "There's no such thing as a gimp costume."
Schmidt: "You've seen me in one before"

Nick: "I'm from Chicago. Thin crust pizza? No thank you, I'm from Chicago."

Jess: "What's my one rule?"
Nick: "To not steal your yarn."

Jess: "A lot of people live with their mothers. Like my Uncle Randy."
Nick: "He can't go near parks."
Jess: "He was cleared."

Schmidt: "They make shoes for your penis. They're called pants!"

Jess: "What if my character lives and the book just goes on. Imagine, coming to the end of the book and then finding a lot more book. Surprise!"

Jess (reading Nick's story): "Pepperwood had two friends. One, if you count his hat."

"New Girl" airs Tuesdays at 9 p.m. EST on Fox.