VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY: "Admiral, do you know why I've brought you in here?"
ADMIRAL WILLIAM FALLON: "I think so, sir."
CHENEY: "I want to invade Iran..."
FALLON: "Sir..."
CHENEY: "...lemme finish there, four stars. I can't have my generals on the ground questioning the wisdom of invading Iran. kapish?"
FALLON: "Sir, I was merely voicing what Secretary Gates and others have said about Iran: that diplomacy is our preferred route but we wouldn't take the military option off the..."
CHENEY: "...Commander, the military option is not just the main course--it's the only entrée on the table. We're going to war, pal. All this talk about 3 a.m. phone calls and who would you want answering the call. Lemme tell you, when Dick Cheney answers that phone call, he says, 'Strike first, ask questions later.' Do you read me, soldier boy?"
FALLON: "Sir, in the navy we have an expression..."
CHENEY: "...sailor, I don't care about your little expressions. Iran's navy nearly attacked one of our vessels in the Gulf. You remember that incident? Required us to doctor some video but we got the point across--these guys are evil terrorists bent on world domination."
FALLON: "But sir..."
CHENEY: "...do you remember Munich?"
FALLON: "...sir, the Iranian navy has actually been quite cooperative with us in the Gulf. It's the Rev Guards who..."
CHENEY: "...save it, sister! Nuance has no place in this administration's foreign policy. By the way, I saw that pretty-boy spread of yours in Esquire. Cavorting with the liberal enemy, are we?"
FALLON: "Sir, I think war with Iran would be a mistake. The Iranians are by and large pro-American. They are also growing disillusioned with their government."
CHENEY: "Horsesh*t! In nine months, I'll be a nobody in this town. I wanna go out with a bang. I leave for the Middle East tomorrow. By the time I get back, oil prices will be back below $100 a barrel and the Syrians and Iranians will be quaking in their boots. The world will be convinced Iraq was a tremendous success..."
FALLON: "Sir, even General Petraeus just admitted that the Iraqis were making almost no political progress. Wasn't that the point of the surge?"
CHENEY: "Admiral, I have two words for you..."
FALLON: "Sir?"
CHENEY: "You're fired!"