THE BLOG
11/16/2015 09:50 am ET Updated Nov 16, 2016

How to Let Go of Negativity and Find Inner Peace

Where are you stuck -- right now? What are you holding on to that is not serving you. Relationship? Self-doubt? Pain? Failure?

We have all been there. Yes, I included. I know that sometimes life knocks us down and we might feel defeated in the moment. Maybe it's hurt or disappointment in our selves or others. It is a nasty feeling and one that can be hard to shake.

When you "fear" the negative, you are actually giving it momentum. Embrace fear, acknowledge it and then let that shit go. Easy to say I know, but it is possible -- if you focus on your energy.

The simplest way to think about it when it comes to other people: your energy will mix with others no matter what. It's better to hear what they say or observe their actions with compassion and empathy, than disdain. As a friend told me recently, "You should be so in tune with your own inner peace and energy, that you could be sitting in the middle of a war zone and you remain steady and in control of your own energy."

Don't so much give negative attention to the "negativity," but rather give it love and understanding. Their free will limits what you can accomplish with what they believe, do or say. Always, always remember that what someone else says or does to you, about you, absolutely has everything to do with their mindset and character. It is in no way a reflection of who you are.

Now let's talk about you. I bet you're wondering how you can forgive yourself of something or let a mistake go. For starters, I have a dose of tough love for you. You are not so special. We all have hardships, bad days, make mistakes and poor choices. Sit for a second and think about a 12-year-old boy in a war-torn country. He may at any second be snatched up by a local militia and forced to train for war. If he or his family resists this taking, they would most likely be killed on the spot.

Now, think back to the most recent "bad thing" to happen to you. Does it in any way compare to the picture I just painted? Unless you have suffered a criminal and malicious violation on that level -- you live in the first world and you have no comparison. Stop playing victim.

You have choices beyond belief! You can either choose to continue to feel bad about yourself or what someone did, or take responsibility for your own happiness! Why the hell are you giving such power to another person's shitty behavior or the fact that you just didn't own your shit when you had the chance?

Right here, right now -- you are going to own it! This is your "Come to Jesus" moment.

Focus on the present. When you can show gratitude for what you do have, you have less time to think about the negative or the past. Acknowledge for a moment your pain. Then either aloud or in your head, speak your truth. "It's okay (insert your name). That was the past. I now know better and dwelling will not up-level my own happiness. I will work on _______________."

Forgive yourself next, and if necessary the other person.

Well, how the hell do you do that? Here is the biggest way you can change your path and way of thinking. If there is one thing you should always remember, it is that forgiveness is not about simply saying I forgive you. Forgiveness is, "I don't agree with what you did or said, but I forgive you anyway." You don't have to like someone or their actions to dispense forgiveness, by the way. When you can learn to forgive, it makes moving on so much easier. And in the process, you will take back your power, in a positive way.

Forgiveness is letting something go, while showing empathy for your own wrong doing or that of another. No one is perfect, so stop seeking perfection in an imperfect world and casting that light upon you or others.

You will not have a positive life when you fill it with negative thoughts and keep looking backward to the pain, as if it were comforting somehow. Pain is a dark place and very rarely does it let in the light of happiness. It is like a window frozen shut and dirty from the winter. You have to force it open, clean off the grime and allow the light of a new season to come in.

Lisa Schmidt is a Dating and Relationship coach in Detroit and the author of her own blog. She is a regular contributor to The SWexperts. Dating and relationship questions can also be sent to her directly Ask Lisa Here.