06/29/2012 03:50 pm ET Updated Aug 29, 2012

Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes Split: Oh, The Gossip Grist This Mill Will Grind

Oprah's old couch must being feeling pretty used and offended! Oh, you remember, the couch Tom Cruise jumped up and down on, exclaiming his rapturous love for Katie Holmes. Many people felt Tom not only jumped the couch, but jumped the shark at that moment. I forgave him. It was silly, but he's such a high-energy guy. He was just feeling the moment.

Well, that moment has passed. Tom and Katie are divorcing after five years and one child, the
sometimes ridiculously haute couture Suri. I wonder if Tom will announce, after he did when his marriage to Nicole Kidman foundered, "She knows the reason." (Actually, she didn't.)

This is Tom's third failed marriage. His first was to actress Mimi Rogers, who supposedly introduced him to Scientology. Then came Nicole, whose career seemed stifled until Tom released her from the bonds of matrimony. (Some thought he knew her star "moment" was coming and he didn't like it!)

In any case, on the heels of "Rock of Ages" which is hilarious, but not to moviegoers, Tom has taken a big one-two punch. Oh, oh -- the gossip grist this mill will grind. I don't want to celebrate unhappiness. And I like Tom, but -- come on. This is hot stuff.

I suppose I should have read the tea leaves more carefully when Katie was not present at Tom's honor at the Friar's gala a couple of weeks ago. But he looked so handsome, slim and happy. All he said was that his lovely wife was "away working." I'll say, working on a settlement!

And but of course it came on a Friday. That's when they all announce big stories. Divorces. Rehab. Physical abuse. Like they think it'll be over by Monday. But actually, Tom's divorce bombshell from Nicole came on a Monday. I guess he was braver back then.

This is all especially hilarious because my assistant of many years, Denis Ferrara, used to warn me gravely -- "Don't call me from lunch, don't call me at home, don't call me over the weekend unless Tom and Nicole divorce."

In recent years he changed that to "Tom and Katie" but he never seemed as serious about them. Well, were any of us?

My best to both Tom and Katie. But they are successful adults and life goes on. Suri's life is just starting. Let's everybody be adult about the child, yes?