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09/26/2014 12:22 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

10 Things I Never Thought I'd Say As a Parent

Lori Ferraro

As a parent, I'm constantly saying things that surprise me.

Like when I freak out because words/phrases come out that sound exactly like things my own mom would say.

Or the first few times, "because I said so," or, "because I'm the Mom, that's why," came flying out.

But sometimes... I really surprise myself.

Sometimes I say things to my boys that, well, are pretty ridiculous.

Like...

  1. "How about Wendy's tonight so you can get that pretzel bacon cheeseburger you've been wanting to try?" (I WANTED TO TRY THIS CHEESEBURGER. I wanted one bite of this thing -- after a long day/late night after soccer practice, this was my in.)
  2. "That was a good one... but did you know Mommy used to be able to burp the alphabet?"
  3. "Let me help you 'clean up' that ice cream cone!" (Said while taking child's cone and eating half of it.)
  4. "Please keep your belly button to yourself."
  5. "Full House really is a pretty funny show."
  6. "Don't sit on your brother's head, you can sit on other parts of him, but not his head, OK?"
  7. "We don't have time to brush teeth -- chew this gum."
  8. "I'll give you a dollar if you finish your vegetables/homework/endless video game level."
  9. "Check this out -- Mommy can tie a cherry stem in her mouth."
  10. "Sure, if we won the Powerball I would let you have a monkey/a butler/a monkey butler."

These are just 10, and every day, there are more. More things that make me laugh. More things that make me think I'm turning into my mother. More things that make me think I've finally lost it.

And more mad skills to be shown off -- like tying a cherry stem in a knot -- only this time, off a sundae instead of a Long Island Iced Tea.

Lori's website, Drawn to the 80s, is where her 5-year-old draws the greatest music hits of the 1980's. Her blog, Once Upon a Product, is where she writes about beauty products, food and her Mick Jagger obsession.

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