Today was certainly one of my longest work days, but it is a day I'll never forget. This morning, I had to fly from New York to Los Angeles for a shoot that lasted about four hours, and then fly back to New York. As I write, I'm in a car rushing to the airport to catch the 4:30 p.m. back to New York. And, it was all worth it. I had a chance to work with Chad Ochocinco, Cincinnati Bengals star wide receiver, on his new reality show on VH1 Ochocinco: The Ultimate Catch.
It was the thrill of a lifetime meeting Chad, whose last name was Johnson until he legally changed it to Ochocinco. He's a warm, friendly, humble guy who makes everyone around him feel instantly comfortable. His laugh and humor are contagious. The cockiness he is famous for on TV is conspicuously absent. It is replaced by an "I'm one of the guys" persona. He is filled with ambition and drive. Needless to say, I was totally impressed by him.
The show's premise starts out with 85 women all hoping to date Chad. (I worked on their look.) I mean, who can blame them? This guy has the goods. He is handsome, has a great body, is a terrific athlete with a strong competitive spirit, has a great sense of humor, and is extremely successful. To add to this list of assets: Chad proved to be an accomplished dancer on the last season of Dancing With The Stars. What I found most attractive about him was his ability to be humble, confident and ambitious all at once. It's very clear this guy has a big career ahead of him. You somehow knew that even though he was very much in the moment, he was simultaneously thinking about his future. This guy is thinking big.
The girls were all trying to lure Chad as their date. Their looks were varied, but they had one common aim: They all wanted to be as provocative as possible. TV is a visual medium. These girls realized this and were trying their best to showcase their assets. I'm sure the show will be a huge hit. It is full of eye candy. Guys will love the "visuals" and be in awe of Chad's flirtations. Female viewers, on the other hand, will make quips about the overt sexuality of the potential dates and most likely dismiss them as bimbos. While I don't think most ladies want to look like these women, I wonder how many fantasize about what it would be like to be so at ease with their own sexuality like them. I would guess the number is higher than most of us would assume.
The lesson here is that sexuality is in the eye of the beholder. There are women like Pamela Anderson who shout out their sexuality. There are also women like Sandra Bullock and Hilary Swank who have a much more subtle approach to their sexuality. Many people find this subtle look much more attractive, appealing and sexier than the playmate. To some, both are equally sexy.
At the end of the day, your sexuality depends on your comfort level with your look. You must always look and be at ease in your own skin. Trying to project an image that is not you never works. Instead, it makes you come across as a woman who is trying too hard. This is about as sexy as a cold shower. People will always judge you by your appearance. Don't try to please everyone. This is impossible. Find the look that is appropriate for you and your lifestyle. Feeling good and being confident about yourself is the ultimate secret to being sexy.