It's August of 2011: it is not too late, ten minutes to nine, yet my eyes still struggle to remain open. My nights have been restless, filled with the dreams I have spent years trying to escape. I can hear the thunder outside- it never seems to quit. I keep waiting for the sky to release millions of tears as it begs for the sun to return. I want to cry with it because I understand what it is like to miss someone that much. I understand what it's like to feel so alone... and I know what it's like to not have to will to live another day, but it was not until I thought that I had lost everything that I realized I haven't even begun to understand the depth of the life that I could live.
It was on this day that I promised myself that I would never leave another scar on my skin.
I no longer wanted to be numb to the world, but understand its gentle indifference and help others realize that it's perfectly okay to go through what they are feeling. I realized that others likely felt the same way I did, and the best way to make the world seem less indifferent is to reach out to other people, rather than turn inward.
Everyone goes through difficulties, no matter how perfect someone's life may seem.
It doesn't matter how young or old you are; everyone has endured pain at least once in their life. Whenever these situations arise, it's important to remember that you aren't alone. At times, it may seem so easy to give up because it seems impossible to see outside the labyrinth when you are stuck inside, but the journey out of this maze is the most rewarding part.
One of the most important lessons I've learned is that it's okay to not be okay. Society perpetuates this stigma that there is something wrong with you if you are sad, but it's during these times that we can exhibit the most growth. We learn to understand ourselves better, and we learn to empathize with others, including those who love us. However, I know that this advice can be difficult to understand while growing up.
Growing up isn't something that happens overnight. It's messy and complicated, an ongoing experience often fraught with uncertainty and hopelessness. It takes years to become the person you're meant to be or want to be. Along the way, there will be good days, bad days, and many mistakes.
It's hard growing up, but it's even harder growing up under the constant scrutiny of others, thanks to social media. I can only imagine what it must be like being a teenager now, having to navigate discovering yourself while under the pressure of having strangers watching and judging. It is too easy to have one's self worth determined by how many "likes" and comments a given photo receives, too easy to feel validated by online attention.
This judgment can be even more painful when comparing yourself to others. Most people on social media appear to live a life devoid of problems and full of joy. They seem to have everything figured out, and even if they don't, social media provides them with a perfect forum to perpetuate their self-created personal utopia. Everyone's days seem filled with endless sunsets, exotic travel, and delicious food, and of course endless declarations of love for a significant other.
However, while a fortunate few may grow up with few difficulties, many teenagers in the twenty-first century are not only likely to suffer from depressive symptoms, but they are also generally more depressed in comparison to their twentieth-century counterparts. For instance, Jean M. Twenge, a psychology professor at San Diego University, conducted a study that examined data from nearly 7 million young people and concluded that teenagers in the 2010s experience depression at a rate 38% higher than the 1980s. Judging from personal experience, and the experience of others, one explanatory factor for this increase includes the pervasiveness of social media.
While social media can exacerbate depression, it can also serve as a forum to reach out to others who feel the same way you do. When I was fifteen, I felt so alone. I always felt different, like that piece of a jigsaw puzzle that never seemed to fit, no matter how much you tried. I thought my feelings were unlike anyone else's and that it would be impossible for anyone to understand what I was feeling. That was the biggest mistake I made. I didn't realize how many people loved me, and I didn't have YouTube as an outlet for advice to feel less alone and know there are other people out there going through the same thing I was.
I chose to make this video because I know that there are countless people out there going through many of the same difficulties I was. Today, young people can struggle with countless difficulties, including depression and self-harm, as well as struggles with body image, sexual orientation, and rejection from college. I want them to know that, as cliché as it sounds, life does get better, and they can take their hardships and sadness and truly change the world.
They can make others feel less alone because they know what if feels like.
If there is one thing that I would want people to take away from my video, it would be to value perspective. When you're fifteen, everything seems so monumental because you are just beginning to experience these defining moments that eventually help to shape the person you are in life. These moments, like your first heartbreak and your first rejection, feel like the end of the world, but they aren't. They are just the beginning, and I promise that in 10 years that first rejection will not even be comparable to other events that happen in your life afterwards.
By going through all of these things, you will learn one of the greatest lessons: It's not important to be remembered for what you did for yourself, but what you did for others. The impact you have on others will be a far greater achievement than anything you could have ever done just for yourself. By going through all of these situations, you are giving yourself the power to make a difference.
It's important to have hope because one day you will be proud of the person that you are, and right now you may not even know who that person is, but in time, you will. You can transform how sadness impacts you by expressing it through a creative outlet and challenging yourself to do something that you love every day; turning outward, rather than inward, can mark the turning point from adolescence to adulthood. Whether it's heading to a natural area just to enjoy the fresh air or cozying up with favorite book, it's important to push yourself to do something rather than wallow in your sadness. There are also many other resources out there, like suicide hotlines or even Internet communities, that band together to support someone, even on their loneliest day.
Everything that I have gone through in life has made me the person I am today and at fifteen I had no idea who that person even was, but I know if my fifteen-year-old self saw who I am today in the mirror they would smile and be proud.
Consider writing your own letter to your younger self. It's a good exercise in perspective and learning about the person you've grown into.