A good friend and her family recently adopted a dog, their first. When she came over to introduce us, I was so happy for her I could burst. I love dogs. I've had dogs for many years. As we stood there watching the "baby" frolic in the yard, I said, "If you need anything, let me know. I don't know much, but I know dogs."
Next thing I knew, my mouth completely disengaged from my brain.
"What are you going to feed her?" I said. "You know you need the good stuff, right? It's better for her digestion and coat and joints and just all the way around. What about bowls? Do you have bowls? Are you going to get her a bed? How about a crate? Did you find out if she was crated in the past? She's got dandruff; throw a fish oil pill in her food each day. Can I check her ears? Don't use a Q-tip to clean them; use a cotton ball. What about leash walking? Invisible fence? Do you have chew toys and reward treats? Do you want me to move in with you until you're all settled?"
Yes, that last one was an exaggeration... but the rest of it was pretty close to accurate. Suddenly I noticed that Charlotte's eyes had glazed over, barely concealing what can only be described as a look of panic amply mixed with annoyance.
"Okay, well, thanks!" she said, fleeing to her car. "Off to the pet store! I think I've got it from here!"
After she left I thought, what the heck is wrong with me? Why would I just spew out unsolicited advice like that? Then I realized why, and I realized it's the same reason people offer unsolicited advice to new mothers: because if we've had babies -- the same as when we've had dogs -- then having babies is something we know. If we've already been there and done that, then chances are good we've made a few mistakes along the way, learned a few lessons the hard way, and we'd would like to make the road easier for someone else.
So for new moms and moms-to-be, I would offer this piece of unsolicited advice (and it is not, as my mother suggested, to get a crate): please try to accept it in the spirit in which it is offered. Oh, sure, some people share their stories just to hear themselves talk, or to play the infamous and irritating "I can top that" game -- always a favorite around labor and delivery -- but most often, parenting advice is delivered with more of a "It worked for me!" touch.
And if you haven't found out yet, people dispense advice in all areas of the baby-having and child-rearing universe. From the best (or worst) diapers (usually accompanied by a funny/gross story), how to help teething pain, and natural remedies for various ailments such as reflux and gas, to the best places to shop for clothes, the best clothes to shop for, and how to interview a pediatrician, parents have been there.
What about delivery advice? Nursing? Circumcision? Opinions around these subjects are often underscored by a certain passion, which a new mother or mother-to-be may not share; always remember you're perfectly within reason to either nod politely and walk away or simply say, "Thanks, but I'm not comfortable discussing my son's penis with a stranger." That'll usually end the discussion.
Behavior issues, milestone deadlines, feeding suggestions, sleep problems... all babies are different, but many share shockingly similar paths, and those similar paths are what compel people -- oh, fine -- compel me to offer unsolicited advice. While such advice sometimes is annoying, other times it can be a sanity-saver. When my daughter started having tantrums over socks with seamed toes, a friend suggested a brand that made seamless. I didn't even know they existed.
Although it may not seem so -- and at times in fact is not so! -- when we offer advice, we really are trying to help, and maybe to relive our children's infancy a little in the process. When we see a new mom, we get to remember our own kids at that age, and what we went through, and what really did work for us. It's what we know. So don't be afraid to ask.
And if you are, that's okay too. We'll tell you anyway.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.