THE BLOG
09/08/2014 11:37 pm ET Updated Nov 08, 2014

Over The Hill And Away We Go

I don't like the mornings I wake up feeling like Rip Van Winkle, a time when the world has passed me by and I've suddenly gone out of style. Thirty years gone by in the blink of an eye. It makes me feel like an ancient relic. The good news is that I'm not the only one going through it.

The other day, I complained to my mother that my right hip ached after my morning walk. "Bursitis!" she said, with a knowing grin. The kind of stuff that happens to OLD people. When I complained about the stiffness that occurs in my fingers late at night, she said, "Arthritis!" and recommended some medications. If you really want a reminder of how old you are, go with your kids to a party that has a group of mixed ages attending. Try clearing the dance floor with those spiffy dance moves you executed so well back in the 1980s. You'll learn really quickly how old school you really are.

Thinking on this, I've compiled a list of telltale signs that it's time to join AARP and take advantage of all the senior discounts it offers. If any of the following apply to you, you probably belong to the Jurassic era:

The calendar that was once filled with social engagements now has doctor appointments penciled in.

You're addicted to HGTV and the Food Network.

Sunburns are out, hot flashes are in.

You need to apply deodorant more than once a day.

Spandex is in, thongs are out.

Naps are the highlight of your day.

It takes you thirty minutes to get out the door because you can't find your keys. Once you do, you're still late because you keep checking the front door to make sure you locked it.

You used to stand in line for tickets to Guns N' Roses. Now you stand in line for a flu shot.

You're still using a VCR to record your favorite shows.

The music playing in elevators and in the background at the dentist's office is the same stuff you used to dance to in the 1970s and 1980s.

Hangovers hang on longer than one day.

You still use a phone book to look up phone numbers.

Antidepressants, anti-anxiety pills, and erectile dysfunction medication are part of your morning ritual.

You know what triglycerides are, and you monitor them carefully.

You need your contacts in to find your glasses, and you need your glasses on to put in your contacts.

Everything in your wardrobe is made with elastic.

You need caffeine to keep you awake during the day and Lunesta to fall asleep at night.

You look in the mirror and realize you are JUST LIKE YOUR PARENTS!

You can read more from Marcia on her blog at http://www.menopausalmom.com