09/30/2013 12:13 pm ET Updated Nov 26, 2013

Passcode Panic

When I downloaded the new operating system for my iPhone, I automatically triggered a locked phone that was password protected. My friend, who just purchased the latest model iPhone, now has a lock with fingerprint entry. When I inquired at the Apple Store as to how to get rid of this feature, which is just one extra unnecessary step in my life, the "Geniuses" were astounded that I was not grateful for the added protection from thieves.

But is this what we really need to be worried about? I am the unwitting victim of a locked phone which was used to text a mistress right under my nose.

After 12 years of what I believed to be a happy marriage, my husband started to change. He went on a diet, talked about hair plugs, and put a passcode on his cell. I had never tried to snoop on his cell, believing that it is private. I also had no reason to suspect "foul play." He was turning 50 and I attributed his new behavior to the proverbial "50's crisis."

But all of a sudden, his texting habits changed. We would be sitting in a movie, and he would surreptitiously take out his phone and send a short message. Or he would excuse himself at a restaurant and text on the way to the restroom.

When I asked him to put his phone away for some personal time with me, he responded that he had to work. When I asked why he suddenly needed the passcode, he said that he had sensitive business issues. (A salesman -- really?) It was all suspicious behavior and quite demeaning to me.

I found out about the mistress and had a heart-breaking divorce. Now, three years later, my new boyfriend just downloaded the new operating system. I asked him to remove his passcode. He readily agreed. Perhaps this is a modern way of showing me that he has nothing to hide and that the trust in our relationship has no phone exemption.