What Is Your Source Of Love?

10/24/2016 01:42 pm ET Updated Oct 25, 2017

Most of us grew up believing that another person should be our dependable source of love - that this is what a relationship is all about. Yet this is the very thing that destroys many relationships.

When we are small children, our parents are supposed to be our dependable source of love. They are supposed to access the love that is Spirit and bring it to us. That is part of their job as loving parents.

The other major part of their job is to role model accessing God/Spirit as a dependable source of love for themselves.

Did you have parents who were dependable sources of love for you, as well as who role-modeled accessing Spirit as a dependable source of love for themselves? The chances are the answer is no. Even if you had parents who were loving to you, it is unlikely that they were deeply connected with a personal source of spiritual love and were able to fill themselves with this love and joy on a consistent basis. Even if your parents believed in God, they may not have had a personal connection with a dependable source of love.

What most of our parents role-modeled was using others as their source of love. Your mother might have pulled on your father to fill her with his love, attention, affection and approval. Your father may have pulled on your mother to fill and validate him through sex, attention, affection and approval. Both of them might have been angry, withdrawn and blaming when the other person did not give them what they wanted and believed they needed from the other. In addition, each of them may have pulled on you to fill them as well. Perhaps you had to do well in school or sports, or you had to look good for them to feel that they were okay. You might have felt that you needed to earn love.

Most of us grew up believing that another person should be our dependable source of love - that this is what a relationship is all about. When we don't end up feeling filled up and worthy, we might turn to various addictions to fill the emptiness. We might leave a relationship because we decide we have chosen the wrong person, hoping to find someone else who will fill the empty place within and define our worth through his or her love.

The truth is that, as adults, no one else can become our dependable source of love. Regardless of whether or not you received the love you needed as a child, you need to become the vehicle through which flows the true and dependable love from our Source.

There is only one Source of love and that is our Source - God, Spirit, Higher Power, or whatever you want to call our Source. Love is God and God is love and any love that comes to us through another person is coming from God through that person.

You will continue to try to make another person your Source of love when you believe that someone else can bring the love-that-is-God to you better than you can, or that it means more when someone else does it than when you do it. These false beliefs may keep you from the love and joy that is your birthright.

You will feel the fullness of the love, peace and joy that you seek only when you decide to accept the responsibility of opening your heart and bringing the love that is always all around you to your self - your inner child. Not doing so would be like being surrounded by delicious food that is available to you and that you are physically capable of accessing, but waiting for someone else to feed you. You not only might end up starving, but your inner child will feel abandoned by you. Even if someone else does feed you, it will not heal the pain your child feels when you do not care enough about yourself to feed yourself.

Just as you are capable of feeding yourself (unless you are physically disabled), you are capable of accessing the love that is always available. It all depends upon your intent. As long as your intent is to make someone else your dependable source of love, you will be in the intent to control - constantly trying to get love from others. The moment you shift your intent to loving yourself, you will open the door to your wonderful, beautiful, ever-present and totally dependable Source of love!

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