07/31/2009 05:12 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Break Your Bad Dating Pattern

Many of the questions I get about romantic and dating relationships is the one where a person keeps finding him or herself repeating a not so happy dating pattern, over and over again. Many people I work with can see they keep dating or falling in love with a variation of the same problem, but they do not know how to stop the pattern. People ask, How do I stop this repetitive, destructive pattern? Often people tried very hard to avoid the problems from the past relationships, but the same issues came up again. This leaves many despondent about their ability to have the dating experiences they want.

Typical advice often suggests that the person who keeps repeating the same problem start liking a different kind of dating partner. This is not always workable. People have trouble making themselves like a different sort. People tend to be attracted to the people to whom they are attracted. I have seen and talked to people who tried to will themselves into liking the nice guys and the nice gals. But, all along, they find themselves attracted to the more dangerous, more scary, or more problematic types.

Part of this problem is that relationships are a mirror. Don't forget that all the healthy, joyful, whole people are all running around on the healthy, joyful, whole playground, dating and mating with each other. As long as you have emotional baggage, issues, old hurts, and negative assumptions about you and your life, you will only be attracted to people at the same level of insecurity and fear that you are. There is no way around it really. The healthy happy whole folks would not sooner date a very troubled person that a troubled person would date a healthy happy one. They are not attracted to each other.

The answer is that is it best to look within when trying to have better, healthier, happier dating experiences. If you become willing to be insecurity and baggage free, you will find yourself only interested in persons like you. You will break the old dating patterns by becoming a new and improved You.

Questions, comments and ideas are welcome and encouraged. Contact Psychic Margaret Ruth on her Facebook page, email or call 801-575-7103. You can also get details on private readings, Margaret's classes and blog at Margaret Ruth has been on radio, television, published in newspapers and magazines and major websites. She is the author of Superconscious Connections: The Simple Psychic Truths of Great Relationships (Sept 2010)