THE BLOG
12/21/2015 11:23 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

5 Reasons to Rethink Your New Year's Love Resolutions and Make Them Revolutions

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Will you make a New Year's resolution for your love life this year? If you do, will it be the first time? Or will this feel like déjà vu? If so, don't be too hard on yourself. You're not the first repeat customer!

Many people make their New Year's resolutions knowing they'll likely be broken. In fact, you'll find entire business models that rely on the concept of broken New Year's Resolutions -- just ask any fitness center owner... So how can you make sure that your new love resolution won't become a recurring theme every year? You do it by trashing your resolution and replacing it with a "revolution."

Revolutions are more powerful because they're transformational by nature and can change the entire paradigm. They can literally take you into unchartered territory. After all, isn't that what you're hoping for in your love life -- change that doesn't repeat old patterns and that can lead to a fulfilling, lasting relationship?

Rethink your love resolutions and, instead, challenge yourself to make radical, lasting changes in your love life with these Love Revolutions:

Love Revolution #1 -- Stop the blaming game. You are where you are for a reason. There's no point in finger pointing or beating yourself up any more for your heartbreaks and dissatisfying circumstances. Revolution #1 means you now own and assume responsibility for your love life, and you're now giving yourself permission to move forward. Every romantic setback is an opportunity for a life-changing comeback!

Love Revolution #2 -- It's not how, when or where -- it's WHAT! Do yourself a big favor. DO NOT look for the hottest, trendiest, most sought after place to meet single people, whether online or offline. You've done that already, right? Step back and clarify WHAT you want in your next relationship. Energy flows where attention goes. By focusing on WHAT you want, the how, when and where tend to take care of themselves.

Love Revolution #3 -- Self-Reflection is not seasonal. The great majority of people who take the time to examine themselves do it just once year. And we know when they do it and how effective it is, don't we? Self-reflection can only reap benefits by making it a way of life so that progress can be measured. What stops you from making an assessment of your love life two, three or four times a year? Separate yourself from the pack by making appointments for introspection with yourself right now on your calendar for the coming year.

Love Revolution #4 -- Who are your "up-lifters?" Do some of your closest friends, role models, or confidants have the type of love life you're aiming for? Do they inspire you to set the bar higher for yourself? If you cannot answer "yes" to the two previous questions, we think the time has come for you to shake up your inner circle. At the end of the day, more often than not, we tend to be a mere reflection of the people we hang out with.

Love Revolution #5 -- Define your deal breakers. These are non-negotiables that we set for ourselves to help us stay the course or simply protect us from the "love at first sight" factor when Romeo or Juliette shows up. Deal breakers are different for everyone, so don't worry about right or wrong answers here. For instance, if you own two cats, three dogs and a snake, you may want to establish that you need an animal lover in your life. If you're a "believer," dating an atheist could pose a problem each time you leave for a church function. Or, if you're afflicted with severe asthma, smokers should definitely be a no go. Get the picture? Go ahead, make a list of your deal breakers, then don't let yourself waiver.

By rethinking your love resolutions and replacing them with love revolutions you'll be initiating a new mindset that's likely to revolutionize not only your romantic relationships, but your whole outlook on life. Happy New Year!

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Authors and relationship coaches Diane and Mario Cloutier found each other in 1998 after they both had experienced unfulfilling relationships. Their new book, Relovenship™ - Look Within to Love Again! (Xclamat!on Media, 2015) gives inspiration, hope and a step-by-step methodology to people who have had romantic disappointments and are still looking to find "the one." Mario Cloutier is founder and chief creative officer of Xclamat!ion Marketing. Diane Sawaya Cloutier enjoyed a successful career in managerial roles with Fortune 500 organizations before focusing fulltime on the couple's ReLovenship™ book and seminars. For booking inquiries or to learn more about the authors, go to ReLovenship.com.