Hungary to Change Its Name to "Full"

Hungarian couple does indeed appear Full
Photo: Getty Images/ Barbara Penoyar

BUDAPEST, Hungary - During the Roman Empire, the country now called Hungary was known as Pannonia. But during its latter history, in 1241, it suffered so much from the Mongol armies of Batu Khan, that Khan proclaimed, "The Pannonians have no food and are constantly hungry. They shall therefore be henceforth known as Hungarians, and their country -- Hungary."

Since the late 1980s, however, when Hungary led the movement to dissolve the Warsaw Pact, shifted toward multiparty democracy and a market-oriented economy, and developed closer ties with Western Europe and America, the country has become much more prosperous. Citizens have plenty to eat and the hunger that plagued them for centuries appears to be a thing of the past. "Therefore," stated Prime Minister Viktor Orban, recently, in celebration of our new prosperity, we hereby announce that our beloved country's new name is, and shall be forever more -- 'Full'!"

Many of Hungary's citizens, however, are dead set against the change. "It's outrageous!" exclaimed sales manager Gyorgy Myklos. "The world knows us as 'Hungary,' and now they want to change that to 'Full' simply because we've become prosperous? What happens if the economy takes a downturn? Will they change it back to 'Hungary? If we invade a country, will they change our name to 'Aggressor'? How about 'Champion' if we're victorious in the Olympics?" Still, the name change is going forward as planned.

In related news, because more Turkish citizens are becoming vegetarian, there is a motion in Turkey's Grand National Assembly to change the country's name to 'Tofurkey.'