04/30/2014 04:54 pm ET Updated Jun 29, 2014

End Awful Karaoke Now!

Everywhere I go, I'm assaulted.

Clueless warblers sharfing ("Shitting + Barfing") all over my favorite songs.

It used to be, live musicians would ply their craft in bars, lounges and joints from coast to coast, jamming all night long, collecting a small salary while satisfied listeners filled up tip jars.

Audience members watched in wide eyed wonder as wannabe rock stars tore through music that made their hearts soar and feet do the boogie. And actually sounded... like MUSIC.

Then some club owner figured out that much money could be saved by replacing human musicians with a machine from Japan, and adding drunk patrons who fantasize that they, too, can sing.

Well, guess what, patrons -- you can't.

In fact, you suck. You're flat, you're stiff.

You're screaming, not singing. Its not funny. Its not musical. Its painful, and we've had enough.

I've had enough.

How can you miss the look of disgust on our faces?

How can you bleat your way through "songs" while we're jeering back at you.

Yes, we're laughing AT you, not with you.

And we're right.

You're awful. And we're finally gonna do something about it:

You KNOW who you are. Consider yourselves warned.

Warn us at #awfulkaraoke