09/23/2013 04:18 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

How to Market Health Care Coverage

On right-wing media outlets, ads should appear driving users to a new website, HEALTHPARTEA.ORG, (rumored to be financed by the Koch Brothers.)

It should feature a "47%-type" video of Obama talking to a crowd of liberals, grainy and handheld, with subtitles, labeled "THE SECRET TAPE HE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO SEE."

The President:

" we passed Obamacare, as you know, and some of the provisions are very popular--letting kids stay on their parents' plan until they're 26, lifting caps on coverage, not allowing pre-existing conditions to disqualify you from coverage. But people don't like the idea of government being involved in their healthcare decisions. They like their Medicare and Veteran's benefits, because they've earned them, but they don't feel Obamacare coverage is earned, and they believe it comes with strings attached.

So what's happened is that the Republicans in Congress have voted to defund Obamacare, and they're sticking to their guns on this. So given that situation, I've decided to blink, basically. Under the pressure of the Tea Party, instead of being forced to buy government coverage, the uninsured will be permitted to buy private health insurance. And most of the states -- many of the red-states, too, like Arizona -- have set up state exchanges for their citizens to shop between private insurance companies and choose the plan that suits them the best. The states are taking local control, rebating tax dollars back to their own citizens who need a little help paying the premiums.

This is hard for me to say, but for all intents and purposes, Obamacare is dead. [booing from audience] After all, students from all over the country are burning their Obamacare cards, and you know when the students have turned against me, the rest of the country has.

Now obviously, I'm not going to admit defeat to the media, and this talk stays in this room. But the fact is that Americans have rejected socialism and big government, and because so many of them are buying private insurance, the rates are going down. So I'm going to try to paint this as a victory, but we have will have no influence on what doctor gets chosen, what doctors decide treatment-wise, and no one will have to give up insurance they already have. Basically, there's not going to be any socialized medicine in this country {more boos]
-- (garbled noise, screen goes dark).

That's when this bumper sticker appears across the screen, along with options to repost on every social media platform available.


And on the website, no donation button, but plenty of ads for Fox News, NewsMax, the Drudge Report, et cetera.

In 2013, that's how you do it.