05/31/2010 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Movie Review: Clash of the Titans -- Barely 2D

Aside from any further output from Lady Gaga, I can't think of much that's more unnecessary than the remake of Clash of the Titans, at least until the next remake of Godzilla comes along.

It's not that this faux-3D feature is laughably terrible -- like the original (which sucked, except for the quaint Ray Harryhausen stop-motion animation). Indeed, it would be a lot more entertaining if it were. It takes a certain perverse kind of imagination to make something as hysterically awful as, say, Battlefield Earth, which has been a topic of discussion lately.

No, Clash of the Titans is in some ways worse -- grandiose without being in any way grand, self-important but impossible to take seriously -- and, worst of all, eye-glazingly dull when it's not putting the action sequences right in your face.

Not that there's anything all that special about the special effects -- but at least when the CG starts cranking, there's something to pay attention to. When all you've got to look at are warriors walking around, chattering at each other about the struggle by man against the uncaring gods, well, um, yawn-o-rama.

That's basically the plot here: The humans, tired of being the playthings of the gods (hey -- who isn't?), decide to rebel by, um, withholding their prayers, which empower the gods. The gods, of course, get pissed; the top god, Zeus (Liam Neeson), lets himself get talked into punishing the humans by his brother, Voldemort -- oops, I mean, Hades (hey, they're both played hissingly by Ralph Fiennes), who has his own plan for toppling Zeus from the hit parade of gods.

This review continues on my website.