01/20/2015 11:09 am ET Updated Mar 22, 2015

The 15 Stages of Holiday Break Re-Entry

Mary Beth Holcomb

1. Set alarm clock for first time in two weeks.

2. Lie awake all night, panicking about everything you swore you'd accomplish over last two weeks.

3. Wake up to droning alarm clocks in kids' bedrooms. No one stops the sound. Maybe they were kidnapped? Press snooze.

4. Do the rounds. Dead to the world, all.

5. Dig lunchboxes from bottoms of dust-covered backpacks. Discover daughter's 14-day-old lunch. Sniff "Chips Ahoy!" container. Consider reusing.

6. Coffee in face.

7. Thank self for caving to youngest's "Lucky Charms" pleading on last night's grocery run. Serve colored marshmallows and call it "festive."

8. Coffee in face.

9. OHMYGODYOUDIDNOTJUSTPEEONTHISRUG. Glare at smallest dog, who yawns and licks her privates. Clean rug.

10. Check on teen, who's fallen back asleep, fully clothed save one shoe. Threaten phone removal, the teen equivalent of 6. and 8.

11. Success! Everyone to school!

12. Look around house. Fantasize about dumping it out like a purse.

13. Vacuum. Begin to cheer up. Ambitiously consider mopping.

14. Check watch. Debate appropriateness of 9:42 a.m. lunch.

15. Answer phone. Think about unicorns as school nurse instructs you to pick up youngest, who is feeling "sick..