05/17/2012 06:52 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

America's Got Talent Recap: Granny G in the House

It was off to San Francisco for the second night of America"s Got Talent auditions. Howie Mandel arrived via jetpack and Nick Cannon continued to fuel my love affair with his wardrobe -- I have a well-documented love of men in suits. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's my primary motivation for watching White Collar. Howard Stern was well-behaved and borderline boring, but the acts were anything but.

David Garibaldi and CMYK (Cyan, Magenta, Yellow and Key) redeemed my generally ambivalent attitude toward dance crews. I'm with Howard and his idea that unless they're really REALLY good or have some unique shtick that sets them apart, they all look the same to me. Garibaldi and his crew rhythmically painted a portrait of Beethoven while dancing to the musician's 5th Symphony. They progressed to Las Vegas, along with the Lisa Clark Dancers -- even though no one seemed particularly enthusiastic about LCD except the live audience. They promised something with more oomph in Vegas though.

I just don't get the love for the dance crews. I'm not saying they aren't talented, I'm just hard-pressed to find them particularly exciting.

Rather than the Montage of Horror, in SF we got the Montage of Winners... which was frustrating because there were a few acts that we were told progressed to the next round, but we didn't get to see their entire routine. Mostly, I would have liked to see the entirety of the piano-playing magic act. I'm a sucker for a good magic act.

Luiz Meneghin channeled his inner Susan Boyle when he took the stage as a timid, mild-mannered nurse from Utah. He was pretty nervous and we learned in his introduction that he's originally from Brazil and his family saved money for six months to travel to California for the auditions. Despite some picking from the judges, which probably stems from the fact that they all seem to take particular delight in tormenting the more nervous contestants, Meneghin wowed everyone, even opera-hating Howard, and got himself a standing ovation and three "yes" votes to Vegas. Well played, sir.

Of course, my favorite act of the evening was Granny G, who shuffled onto the stage in a modest pink dress, leaning on a walker. She opened her performance with a dedication of sorts: "This is to all the horny boys out there." Then the 80-year-old (who is clearly made of awesome) proceeded to rap about taking responsibility for the babies that result from your horndog ways, concluding with an enthusiastic bellow of "West side, bitches!"

She joins dearly departed Kurt Vonnegut as a top-round pick in my Fantasy Grandparent Draft.

Rounding out the night were Tim Hockenberry, who crooned "You Are So Beautiful" to his wife and newborn daughter, and an extreme contortionist, Turf, who made us all cringe as we kept watching in morbid fascination. Turf folded his body in ways that just ain't right. But as impressive as his pretzel routine was, I was actually more impressed by the pseudo-moonwalk dance moves he performed at the start of his act. THAT WAS SO COOL. I thought there was something wrong with my screen for a second. Totally can't wait to see more craziness from him.

So those were the stand-out performers for me, but what about you? Quite a variety of talent showed up in the City by the Bay. Who was your favorite?

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