THE BLOG
10/11/2011 08:00 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2011

67 Year Old Woman From Flushing Movie Review

My name is Ruth, I live alone.

What's this little old lady's favorite pass time? Watching movies.

Only problem is sometimes I black out in the middle of movies and have night terrors, which cause me to scream in German. This scares children and caused the Cineplex to only allow me back on Tuesday afternoons when no one else is in the theatre.

When I do watch movies without losing blood flow to my brain I write about them using a typewriter from Poland. I like to review movies and then make my grandson write them on his computer box, and then he sends it to The Internet (which I assume is somewhere in Detroit).

Please read my reviews and let me know what you think, also if you've seen my cat, Mr. Bojanagles, call the landlord.

Drive
Too loud. There's a lot of loud noises when the man is driving his car and it hurt my ruptured ear drum. They should have put a warning up about that before the film started.

The movie is about a man learning to drive a car, then he meets a woman who's too pretty for him, so he starts killing people. People die around him because he doesn't follow rules. It wasn't a very nice movie.

There is a man in the movie that sounds like the dad fish from Finding Nemo, this was very confusing because the character talked very little about fish misadventures. However he did do a lot stabbing, must be hard on him, sounding like a famous fish and all.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2
Oh boy was this movie something else. First it's about kids who have funny accents or something, and then out of now where they start shooting laser beams out of their fingers. It was complicated enough to try to figure out why they talk so funny. Also everyone is mad at some kind of burn victim who's name they never say, what a terrible thing to do to a burn victim.

The movie was too long and had too many colors.

Contagion
Ten minutes into the movie, the sugar in my soda pop had an awful reaction with the medication I'm on which caused me to black and start yelling German again. I woke up in the parking lot.

Human Centipede 2
Do not see this movie.