It's that time of year again. The pumpkin pie is a distant memory (except to my hips), and new, more pressing thoughts are capturing my family's imagination. Letters to Santa. Strategically placed mistletoe. The perfect scarf for my first cousin once removed.
And then, of course, there's the tree.
Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without a tall, elegant tree covered in lights, glistening ornaments and candy canes scattered across its dignified branches. At least, that's how I envision it looking -- before my toddler gets his hands on it.
Normally I spend fall counting down the days until the leftover turkey's in the fridge and we can hit the Christmas tree lot. However, things are a little different this year with a 2-year-old in our midst. Instead of quiet, reverent moments before our tree's green branches, I'm envisioning weeks spent shouting things like "Timber!" and "Get that porcelain snowman out of your mouth!"
So vivid are these imaginings, in fact, that I've decided to immortalize them in song. For all the toddler parents out there, with a tree in your home and a prayer in your hearts, this Christmas carol parody is for you.
O Christmas Tree (Toddler Version)
O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!
Thy leaves are so unchanging;
O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!
Well... let's define "unchanging";
You start out full when we take you home
But my toddler just won't leave you alone
O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!
You're in for some rearranging...
O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!
Much pleasure my toddler takes in thee;
O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!
In our home, you're all he can see.
How often has a Christmas tree
Been ridden like a Shetland pony?
O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!
All I can say is "Sorry."
O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!
Thy lights shine so brightly!
O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!
Thy lights are wound so tightly
Around my toddler when he pulls each strand
Right off your branches with his little hand
O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!
Thy lights are now unsightly.
O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!
How richly we have decorated thee!
O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!
I guess we've wasted precious money
On ornaments made of glass
That my toddler broke, while he laughed
O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!
Next year decked in plastic you will be!
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas tree,
We gave it a try now, didn't we?
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas tree,
I guess it wasn't meant to be.
With patience, love and some tears,
I doubt we'll both survive until New Year's.
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas tree,
On the curb you'll look lovely.
Merry Christmas season to all, and to all... well, good luck!
This post originally appeared on the blog Mommy A to Z. Follow Mommy A to Z on Facebook and Twitter.