THE BLOG
12/05/2014 12:55 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Why Women Stay Stuck (And How to Get Unstuck)

2014-12-04-10469170_10205277997408618_8600039527644914003_o.jpgDuring this time of the year I often become reflective of the goals that I have reached and plan how I want to jumpstart the New Year. This year, I felt stuck in my career after shooting 20 plus segments as The Mom Strategist™ for the Emmy nominated show America Now. I wanted to go from one syndicated show to the next one and that did not happen. I reached out to agent after agent and studio executives sharing my "reel" with amazing feedback but still no takers. Needless to say, I was bummed and disappointed that my amazing work was not met with a flood of new opportunities. To get unstuck I had to get real with myself about how to move through this period in my career. I had to take different actions to create new possibilities and opportunities. I learned some simple truths that supported me and that I know will support you in the business of your life.

As I created strategies with my coaching clients over the last twelve years they all found themselves asking the exact same question at some point, "Why am I stuck in a certain area of my life?" We all battle that feeling of staying in the same place or that our life is not moving fast enough in the direction we would like it to go. We rock, kick, cry, murmur and complain mostly about ourselves in our weakest area(s) of growth.

Nothing changes in our lives until we make a decision to move in a different direction. But how do we move when life paralyzes us by fear, anxiety and feelings of being overwhelmed? What do we do to get unstuck?

Here are eight reasons why we find ourselves "stuck" and my truths for how to get unstuck:

1. To keep up appearances
We are afraid to let the people we interact with everyday know just how bad we are hurting, disappointed or discouraged. Instead we put on our brave faces to keep up appearances.

Truth: You can not get what you need pretending like you already have it and that everything is okay when it is not. You are the one responsible for being vulnerable with the right people who can influence your situation for the better. You have to be willing to say exactly what you need so that you can attract it in your life.

2. We don 't want to be judged
If we make a bad choice or decision we often are our biggest critics replaying over and over how we screwed up. We judge ourselves so much that we become afraid of openly sharing what we need with others because we fear additional judgment.

Truth: Give yourself a break. If you share your issues, problems and concerns with the right people you will not risk judgment but instead gain support. If you feel judged by your village it is time to up-level your tribe.

3. Change is hard. Doing things in a way that is familiar does not stretch or stress.
Instead, we continue doing things that do not necessarily serve our highest good. We forget about creating a grace period for the transition of change. Give yourself realistic time to adjust to the new ideas and opportunities that will move your life in a new direction.

Truth: Comfort is the enemy of change. The next time you struggle with doing the things that will advance your life like working out, going back to school, or asking for that promotion, get real with yourself about what feeling you are after. Are you seeking comfort or change?

4. We stay in circles that stifle our growth.
We have all been guilty of having relationships that are one-sided (you do all the calling to check-in, etc.), or friends who are not interested in moving forward or looking forward to their own personal growth and development. We surround ourselves with people who are not in a position to advise, guide or cheer us on in the new dreams we have in our lives.

Truth: You have outgrown your relationships and it is time for you to build relationships with people who are at your ambition level and above.

5. We allow people to take more than their share.
If you find that you are the person giving all the advice, money, time and energy to support those around you, and those same people look the other way when you have a need, you have taught them how to treat you and it is time for you to shift those dynamics.

Truth. Giving too much creates toxic relationships because they drain and create demands that are unrealistic, not sustainable and they devalue our gifts.

6. We set low expectations for ourselves.
We are capable of so much more than we give ourselves credit for. Women minimize their successes and small gains and maximize their failures. When we reduce our accomplishments instead of celebrating them we squelch our motivation to set bigger goals.

Truth: We often minimize ourselves because we are afraid of our brilliance. We are intimately familiar with failure and are not as afraid of failing. Succeeding at something new prompts a different type of fear in us. It is the fear of the unknown that truly scares us. Again, we become afraid to be brilliant because it requires us to be vulnerable to others and ourselves.

7. We lack accountability.
Who is taking a stand for your success, dreams and plans? We hide from ourselves by isolating ourselves from others when we are stuck. We keep the dirty little secrets about our fears and challenges to ourselves so that we can wallow in self-pity instead of creating strategic actions to bring about change.

Truth: Get a mentor, coach or consultant who will challenge the change inside of you and hold you accountable. Stop running and hiding and pick up the phone and call a person in a position to support your growth. (Yes, you might have to pay for this service. You are worth it!)

8. Invest in yourself. You are a product of the books you read, classes you take, programs you view on the television/computer and the people you hang out with. Are your investments paying off for you? When was the last time you read something (other than this article) that could influence your life for the better?

Truth. Invest in your life.

As for me, I decided to write a few shows for myself to create opportunities in the media space. I connected with a team of people to advise and teach me best practices to make my dream of "quality mama drama" programming to become a reality. Standing still is never a solution to solving the challenges in our life. Share with me how you get unstuck.