THE BLOG
09/12/2014 05:07 pm ET Updated Feb 02, 2016

If You Don't Go After It, Someone Else Will

Everything eventually surfaces in one way or another. As gay men, sometimes we find ourselves subconsciously choosing to do everything in our power to avoid looking foolishly vulnerable and admittedly undesirable in the face of other gay men, but at the end of the day, doing that almost NEVER makes us feel any stronger or masculine by a long shot. By bottling everything up, you almost always look like you're hiding something in the face of your friends who only want to pull you aside and give you the gulping truth. You can't have your cake and eat it too girl.

The suckiest blow to the gut for any gay man is when his dream babe starts hooking up with the guy he's mildly interested in seeing. When that happens, all hell breaks loose. You are so taken back that you without a doubt can't understand how to process all those set of emotions rushing through you. Not keeping in mind that the business with those two boys hooking up has nothing to do with you, and that just because you're lonely doesn't mean that you should selfishly occupy the down time you have with someone you are not even that into for the sake of not being with yourself.

The only promise that can come about out of all of that lying is that you are not being honest with yourself, with that guy who might like you more than you like him, and to the guy who you really want to get to know, but who has no idea you exist because you haven't put yourself out there to him yet. One some level we are grown enough to subconsciously acknowledge this to ourselves, but no one is ever really ready to accept it. Our egos have a hard time allowing us to do so.

As a pain in the ass as it is to accept, most likely, there is someone else out there desiring the same person you are, so if you aren't brave enough to assert yourself to that guy, then someone else will happily do so. Chances are, when you take the risk, you WILL at least know what you have to work with, go on or move on from. You have to run the distance if you expect to finish.

All caught up in dreamland, I didn't fully realize until lately that the guy I liked since my freshman year in college doesn't like me, and not just in the boyfriend type of way, but that he probably doesn't like me as a person. Yeah, I could be overreacting. In the past, I would love to give all the reasons why this guy wouldn't possibly give me the time of day, but I never got anything from him, even after my few attempts to initiate something. It was like talking to a brick wall.

What I learned from that situation is that the longer you wait to make a move, the less interested everyone becomes. You begin to ask yourself. Where is the mystery? Whether or not that person will reciprocate the same feelings you have is not the heart of the conflict to be solved. They might have some inkling of an idea because some other person has probably mentioned you to them, and they were waiting for you to say something all that time, but by not saying anything, you ended up looking cowardly and worse than if you were to say anything at all.

Of course in our wild, emotionally, untamed hearts, the object of our affection belongs to us. The moment you hear otherwise, that some other dog is barking up that tree, then you want to hurt a bitch, when, they were never even yours.

In the end, we all want validation and love that is so inconvenient. Unless, one doesn't care, and in that case that sort of person will show you their true colors; otherwise, don't we all want to get to that reassuring place?

We all have the tendency to build up the guys we're interested in dating. In our eyes, they are perfect, and we vaguely see the little to zero flaws they do possess. By remembering that Tom, Dick and Harry are human too, and that they have needs and insecurities they want to fulfill like everyone else, we lessen the pressure. No matter what, there is always someone better out there, always. And knowing that makes the dream not so unattainable.