THE BLOG
03/01/2009 05:12 am ET Updated 3 days ago

Now Playing in the White House Bedroom: Hot Monogamy

I'm guessing the sex is so hot when the Obamas are done, the Bidens light a cigarette. For the first time in years, the White House bedroom is going to see more action than Clinton's Oval Office. Baby got back and it brought monogamy with it. Barack and Michelle are doing for fidelity what Clinton did with infidelity -- make us cover our eyes and peek through our fingers.

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Of course, monogamy's always been sexy -- for the first year or two of a relationship. But 17 years into a marriage? With two kids? That's a recipe for sexual amnesia ("You wanna put what where? Why?")

In HBO's The Sex Inspectors (the sex makeover TV series), we help long-term couples with kids re-ignite the passion that marked their early relationship. By using cameras in the bedroom, we show them what they're doing wrong -- in and out of bed. But who needs cameras when you can look at a picture-perfect relationship? Here's how M & O fire on all cylinders:

Kiss, Kiss. A passionate kiss is like a spider's web -- it leads to the undoing of the fly. Most couples don't realize that before sex walks out the door, affection flies out the window. It's not an accident that the Obamas kiss A LOT. They hold hands, hug and touch even more. They're not showing off; they're setting the stage. The best way to open the bedroom doors is to warm the path to it.

Pump, Pump. Barack, at 47, is almost 6' 2" and probably 170 lbs. Michelle, at 45, is almost 6' and probably around the same weight. They don't stay that way by doing daily doughnut drive-bys. They're nuts about exercise, hitting the gym by 6 a.m. Shape up or the sex ships out. Arousal is about blood flow. So is exercise. You don't need a Dalmatian to connect the dots.

Look, Look. Nancy Reagan looked at Ronnie like she admired him. Laura Bush looked at George like she loved him. Michelle looks at Obama like she's undressing him. Embers turn to flames when you treat the object of your affection like the object of your desire.

Tush, Tush. They say behind every great man is a great woman. Not anymore. Now, it's BESIDE every great man is a great woman. She's not the wind beneath his wings; she is one of his wings. The sense of shared accomplishment is both cause and effect of their intimacy.

But enough lessons. It's more fun to watch. Like Bill Clinton ("I feel your pain, can I feel it a little more?"), Obama's got charm and empathy to spare -- traits that do not go unnoticed by women. But unlike the former Bubba-in-chief, he's the Hubba-Hubba-in-Chief. In real estate terms, that man is ocean-view property. And don't get me started on her. She's the first-ever FLILF (First Lady I'd Like To...)

Between the two, there's going to be a whole lotta humpin' in the White House. At last, a government-run sex education program we can all agree on!

Click here to see my collection of the sexiest Obama pics on the net.