With the New Year still in its first few weeks, the annual "new year, new you" phenomenon is all around us -- in the worlds of advertising, media, self-help and more. And while this time of year can be a great catalyst for positive change in our lives, what if we made a commitment to live our lives in 2011 focused on who we are, and not so much on what we do, what we accomplish, what we look like, what we're striving for, and more? One of best things we can do in this new year is to focus on who we really are, instead of who we think we're supposed to be.
Who would we be without our accomplishments (or failures), our degrees (or lack thereof), our bank accounts, our experiences, our title, our home, our status, and more? As simple of a concept as this is for us to think about and discuss, at least on the surface, it's actually quite difficult for many of us, myself included, to genuinely separate who we are from what we do (or have done or not done). These past two years have taught many of us, in some cases quite painfully, how quickly the external circumstances of our lives can change dramatically and things can be taken away.
The deeper question for us to ponder here is really one of the big philosophical questions of life: "What makes me a valuable person?" While this is something we have all thought about to some degree, most of us don't really engage in this inquiry on a regular basis. And when we do, we often think that if we just got more done, lost some weight, made more money, took a vacation, accomplished a goal, had more meaningful work, made it to retirement, or whatever, then we'd be "happier" or feel more "valuable." Sadly, as we've all experienced, this is not usually the case and is also one of the main reasons why most of our new year's "resolutions" don't really last.
What if, in addition to having important goals, we could also expand our capacity for appreciating ourselves and being who we really are this year -- having nothing to do with our external circumstances? What if just being ourselves, the way we are right now, is good enough?
Being ourselves fully takes courage, commitment and faith. It's a process of letting go of many false beliefs that we've picked up from the collective consciousness -- that we have to look good, be smart, know the right people, say the right things, have the proper experience, make a certain amount of money, and more, in order to be happy and successful in life. Being ourselves can be scary and counterintuitive, difficult and even off-putting, and, at times, lonely.
However, being our authentic self is liberating, exciting and fulfilling. When we have the courage to just be who we are, without apology or pretence, so much of our suffering, stress and worry in life simply goes away.
Here are a few things to consider and practice as you deepen your awareness of and capacity for being who you truly are in this new year:
- Tell the truth to yourself.
Think about and own how much of your self-worth is based on what you do, how you look, who you know, what you've accomplished, etc. (i.e., the external stuff). The more we let go of being defined by the external, the more freedom, peace and power we can experience. And, as we really get honest with ourselves, we may realize that outside these external things, we don't really know who we are. As scary as this may seem on the surface, it's actually great news and can give us access to a deeper and more meaningful experience of who we are.
What do you appreciate about yourself that has nothing to do with anything external? In other words, what personal qualities (of being, not doing) do you value about yourself? The more we're able to tap into what we appreciate about who we are (not what we do), the more capacity we have for real confidence, peace and self-love.
As silly as it may sound, we all need to "practice" being ourselves. We have a great deal of experience being phony or being how we think we're supposed to be. It actually takes conscious practice for us to be able to just show up and be who we are. We can practice alone, with people we know and with total strangers. This is all about awareness -- paying attention to how we feel, what we're thinking, what we say, and how we show up. It's not about getting it right or doing anything specific, it's about letting go of our erroneous notions of how we think we're supposed to be and just allowing ourselves to be who and how we are in the moment.
Have fun with this, talk to others about it, and have a lot of compassion with yourself as you practice -- this is big stuff for most of us. This year, instead of trying to be a "new" you, just be yourself and see what happens.
Mike Robbins is a sought-after motivational keynote speaker, coach, and the bestselling author of "Focus on the Good Stuff" (Wiley) and "Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken" (Wiley). For more information, visit www.Mike-Robbins.com.