THE BLOG
06/18/2013 03:09 pm ET Updated Aug 18, 2013

Consultant Outsources Sleep!

In an extraordinary move, destined to be emulated by forward thinking business leaders everywhere, I've just outsourced all my sleep to a guy named Namdev in New Delhi.

Yes, it's true. I no longer need to sleep. Namdev does it for me. It's astounding how much more productive I've been this week.

And, as if my sleep breakthrough wasn't enough, I've also outsourced all my exercise to a guy named Sung Lee in Malaysia. God bless Sung Lee! He's been on the Stairmaster three hours today and will be working on our delts and pecs tomorrow. Needless to say, I'm feeling totally buff at the moment.

I was just about to have a big piece of cherry cheesecake to celebrate my innovative, time-saving enhancements, but I've outsourced all my eating to a woman named Min Yung in Taiwan. I'm down to 145. Hallelujah! All my pants fit!

The only thing I didn't outsource this week was this blog posting and a visit to my dentist. (Do any of you know someone willing to get a root canal on my behalf?)

Mitch Ditkoff is the Co-Founder and President of Idea Champions, an innovation consultancy based in Woodstock, NY. Despite (or maybe because of) his warped sense of humor, his client list is growing.