In honor of the New Year, I'm here to offer some hope. After all, like many of you, I've been through the ringer of divorce. I've paid my dues and am now an alumnus of "Divorce University." That means I'm in a position to bring you some good news.
Wherever you are with your divorce, whatever stage you're in, know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. That light might be on the blink right now, but rest assured that one day, it will be there, with a strong, bright beam. In the meantime, take a breath, do your best to keep a positive attitude and keep saying to yourself, "This, too, shall pass."
If you ask me, divorce might very well be the worst experience of your life, second only to the passing of a loved one. (I should know; I lost both of my parents during my divorce.) Think of it as a revolution inside your head, one that you feel all the way to the pit of your stomach. You're in the eye of the storm, grappling with what went wrong and meeting with lawyers and mediators. You may even be doing all this while feeling numb and shocked by the demise of your marriage. Perhaps, you're feeling as though you have been hit by a truck. Repeatedly.
Well, these emotions don't last forever, though it may be hard to see that while you're smack in the middle of it and all that it entails -- the "he said, she said" banter, the dividing of the assets, custody battles, etc. Having hope that you can make it through the tunnel or, even, that there is a tunnel, can be hard to imagine. But, having graduated from D.U., I speak from experience. It will get better, with a lot of perseverance, and a little help from the old adage, time heals everything.
Believe it or not, divorce can be an opportunity. It has the potential to uplift you. For, when the day comes that you reach the other side of the tunnel, you'll likely find, not only did you recover and come out of it okay, you are no longer the same person you were before the divorce, and the change you're seeing is, no doubt, for the better. Which is what happened to me.
When I was first going through my divorce, I'd wake up everyday, saying to myself:
"Welcome to my nightmare!"
I can't pinpoint when I stopped, but I know it took years. One morning, I just woke up and realized I wasn't saying it anymore. I discovered I had power. For the first time in ages, my self-esteem was high, and I was feeling good about myself. I had achieved this through the will to survive, which is inherent in all of us, and by taking baby steps. Sounds corny, I know. But it's true.
You see, even though my ex initiated the discussion of divorce, and moved out, he wasn't ready to take any further action than that. He said he needed time to think about our future, and whether we could possibly have one together. So, I waited. And then, I waited some more. I spent months in limbo. Almost a year. I was hoping we could work it out.
But, one day I finally realized that it just wasn't going to happen. So I made up my mind to stop waiting, since the uncertainty of my situation was doing a major number on me. I needed to take my future into my own hands, and not leave it up to him.
It was time for me to think about what I wanted. Which is when I went to see a lawyer and filed the papers. I made a slew of other decisions, too. Like taking my maiden name back, and establishing my own accounts and credit. And, with each decision I made, I felt empowered.
I was changing and no longer kowtowing to my ex, or to his parents. He noticed the difference and I could tell that it made him uncomfortable. But I didn't care. I was finding my inner strength!
Each choice that I made represented a baby step, and before I knew it, I was hitting my stride! I felt like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz. I finally figured out how to get back home -- to me.
So, patience. It takes time. Getting there isn't easy and each of us has to get there in our own way. Maybe this will be the year for you. And when you do reach the end of that tunnel, you'll know it's worth it. And so are you.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.
Sign up for Peacock to stream NBCU shows.