06/29/2011 12:38 pm ET Updated Aug 28, 2011

Bristol Palin's 'Memoir' Can Be Found in the Magazine Rack at Checkout

Yes, Bristol Palin's "memoir" has been out for a couple of weeks now, and it has taken this long for Mo'Kelly to stop laughing at the idea that any 20-year-old -- best-known for a crazy mother and out of wedlock child -- has penned her life's highlights.

But after calming down and breathing into a brown paper bag to cure the subsequent, horrendous bout of hiccups, it became time to look more closely at the situation.

Sometimes the media misses the real story. Although there has been considerable conversation about the night Bristol allegedly lost her virginity thanks in part to a wine-cooler-induced stupor, there's been little about the reality that having sex with any person while incapacitated qualifies as date rape.

And then there's the other pack of 8,000 lb. pachyderms thundering toward the middle of the room.

Bristol is now profiting from profiling her underwhelming "life," stories of illegal, underage drinking, a high school diploma at age 19 and "abstinence advocacy" in light of an eventual, illegitimate son. This is neither a cautionary nor mildly entertaining tale. It is a glorification of social underachievement of the worst order.

In other news, Sarah Palin has quit her bus tour halfway through, similar to how she quit the Alaska governorship and (given Bristol's comic book), parenting... halfway through.

Winning a Nobel Prize as a teenager is a worthy starting point for a memoir at age 20. Losing one's virginity via an unwise interlude with Bartles & Jaymes and Boone's Farm is not.

Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far -- the title is as pretentious as its likely contents are insipid.

If we turn around and check the tote board, Bristol has "bravely" survived 19 years to finally manage a diploma, pushed out a son and implicated her baby daddy in date rape; parlaying it all into Dancing with the Stars and this 36pt. typeface, pop-up book.

I didn't check to see whether Dora the Explorer wrote the foreword but rumor has it...

Those of us who still live in the real world are still trying desperately to forget Bristol Palin. We try to forget her and here she comes with this color-by-numbers tome in the hopes of never being forgotten.

If you're wondering why this post is so short, it doesn't take 500 words to review the life and times of arguably the most irrelevant and unqualified author of a "memoir" in literary history.

Special thanks to friends Brian McGovney and Ronald Jones who contributed to this post. For their efforts, Mo'Kelly will be sending them crayon-autographed copies of Bristol's life leaflet.

Morris W. O'Kelly (Mo'Kelly) is author of the syndicated entertainment and socio-political column The Mo'Kelly Report. For more Mo'Kelly, go to his site. Mo'Kelly can be reached at and he welcomes all commentary.