10/19/2012 11:11 am ET Updated Dec 19, 2012

Since You Love Me So Much, Ann Romney

I just turned 62 and am getting divorced. My attorney suggested I look into getting health insurance because I will soon be off of my ex's company plan. "But at your age it's not likely that you're insurable," he told me, a sentiment that was echoed by my insurance agent.

But I did what the GOP dearly wants me to do -- I exercised my civil liberties and applied for health insurance. It was so much fun! It only took me a few hours to research and fill out the online application. Gosh, I wish I could share that liberty with Ann Romney. I know she would LOVE to spend her time like that. Interesting that it only took a few seconds to get a reply. My application was rejected due to hypothyroidism/cretinism. I do have a low functioning thyroid but so far no one has called me a cretin. I wish so much that Ann could have the pleasure of experiencing being rejected by an insurance company for a condition that millions of menopausal women have. It's such a civil liberty rush!

Since my rejection I've been thinking about how neat it would be to have a blood pressure pumping hours-long journey into other health care providers' automated response voice interactive networks, and how much Ann is missing. It's such a thrill to exercise civil liberties like that. (It would be a total rush to shop for health insurance at age 70, 80, and 90. Wow, what those seniors are missing!) But before I go on that delightful roller coaster ride I'm weighing all my options.

My attorney advised me that I have three options: 1.) Stay married and on my ex's plan until I turn 65 in three years and can get on Medicare (if Romney/Ryan don't decimate it), 2.) Get divorced and pay an exorbitant amount of money every month to stay on my ex's plan through COBRA until 2014 when I can no longer be rejected for a preexisting condition (unless Romney wins and that's scrapped), or 3.) Be uninsured and hope against hope that I don't need major medical that will put me in debt for the rest of my life and risk losing my house. But come to think of it, that would be fantastic because it would be in support of civil liberties!

I have a fourth idea. But the success of this option depends on whether Ann Romney loves me along the lines of "I heart Nancy," or if her "love" is a Biblical variety. Not being that versed in her kind of love, I Googled "scriptures about rich giving to poor" and found lots of pertinent scriptures. But because I'm not technically poor (until the bank takes my house) the one that seemed most applicable for my situation is Matthew 5:42, "Give to the one who begs from you." Because as much as I hate to be in this position, if Romney gets elected, I'm gonna have to go begging.

Ann, since you can afford to pay out of pocket, can I please have your health care?