02/20/2013 05:37 pm ET Updated Apr 22, 2013

Be Yours

"Happy Valentine's Day" are the three most unwelcome words to most singles. And to a lot of married people too. It's not that I don't like love. I'm in the love business. I am a hopeless romantic. I am happily married. But I secretly hate Valentine's Day. Please don't tell my husband, or he'll stop getting me the obligatory card and flowers. I would be embarrassed not to get them, even though I hate Valentine's Day. Thankfully, he doesn't read my blog. ;-)

Guys -- let me tell you this -- even if a girl hates Valentine's Day, even if she seems like the biggest tomboy in the world, even if she is the most independent career girl you have ever met, she will silently turn to the mush inside the Cadbury chocolate egg on Valentine's Day (i.e. a sweet mess. If she happens to be a hot mess too, then you've got a keeper).

It's so much pressure. I know, that's why I don't like it. It's especially unfair to guys. They can't win and they have to be emotional on cue. Actually, they can win. If they propose on Valentine's Day. Another word to guys -- if you are anywhere close to engagement (which could even include being on a second date) the thought will cross her mind. We can't help it; it must be the estrogen. Which is probably offset by the seratonin boost we get from the chocolate, so that explains the Godiva Diva Empire.

Here's one more tip guys -- you actually can win another way -- buy lingerie for Valentine's Day. This will show her that you still think of her in that way and it might help you get laid for Valentine's Day. So I recommend that more than chocolate or flowers. However, if the thought of your wife/girlfriend in a Victoria's Secret teddy makes you want to cringe because of the "freshman 20" she's gained in the face of your relationship gone stale, I can't help you. Well, not with a quick tip. There's ways to approach this but not on Valentine's Day. Contact me for coaching and we'll tawk...

Did I mention that I hate Valentine's Day? Maybe that's why this blog is turning so sour right now. I think I'm being cruel and cynical. That's not like me at all. Here's the story of how I met my husband, as told by the New York Times on July 1, 2001, our wedding day. I really am a hopeless romantic -- believe me.