THE BLOG
03/18/2010 05:12 am ET Updated Nov 17, 2011

Negativity: The Path Of The Unattractive

I have yet to meet someone who hasn't been wounded, traumatized, scammed, betrayed or hurt. After such devastating experiences, we all have a tendency to shout out from the rooftops to anyone who gives an ear. This is appropriate in the moment but not when a long period of time has passed. Its not appropriate when every conversation you have with someone you bring up the issue of how badly you were hurt or how they abused you. You recycle the event and keep it fresh in your mind, which creates even more pain for you. Again, this is appropriate in the beginning but not when several years have passed, and you are still engaging with the memory of being hurt. Be mindful, a victim mentality will lead you down the path of the unattractive. Most people's tolerance for negative chatter is nil, and they will withdraw from you sooner than later.

We all have a tendency to slip into a negative frame of mind. We are quick to interpret things from a doom and gloom lens and completely lose perspective. Our fears get triggered, our insecurity rears its ugly head, and we are anxious to the point of feeling exhausted. What is this negative state of mind? Where does it come from? Why does it kick in whenever something goes wrong?

In Jungian Psychology, your negative state of mind is referred to as 'The Shadow' and this aspect of yourself is the reason why so much of your life is the way it is. It is a powerful force in your psyche -- it is the store house of all thought, belief, feelings and attitudes that if not recognized and healed will create and attract harmful people and situations into your life.

The shadow is easy to recognize -- take an inventory of all the things that have happened to you in your adult life that have disappointed you, hurt you, or betrayed you. You may go even further back to your childhood -- the point of origin. The shadow didn't form in your psyche yesterday but it has been evolving since you came to earth. It is the part of you that holds and contains all of your unfulfilled needs and desires, memories and pain. Your life material that you did not want to think about or face was relegated to the shadow. It is the place of instincts, raw potential, and unrealized power. The shadow is a benevolent force -- it is dualistic in nature -- but often times we do not work consciously with it instead we allow it to create for us by default.

These experiences helped to mirror what thoughts you hold about yourself and your life. On the journey of life we need to get clear as to what invited harm or pain into our reality. Is it really the fault of the other person or the fault of the thoughts and feelings lodged within our consciousness? Now we are not talking about deserving the pain inflicted. This is ridiculous -- no one deserves to get hurt or abused.

But most of your unhappiness in love, relationships, work, and money comes from this buried part of yourself. Ninety percent of your impulses, actions and decisions come from 'The Shadow'. When I say that 'the shadow' is dualistic in nature what I mean is this: in its raw state it can create havoc in your life or you can cast the light upon it and bring it into consciousness whereby you annihilate its power. Once you are able to do this then you turn your inner enemy into an ally. Having 'The Shadow' as an ally will help you discern people, things and circumstances that are beneficial for you and not a detriment.

Let's say you were abandoned by your father when you were a little girl. The Divine reason would be to teach you independence and self reliance. The human aspect of yourself would dwell on the fact that you were abandoned and unloved and the feelings or interpretations about this incident created a negative frame of mind called the shadow. These interpretations/feelings magnetize and draw adverse people and situations into your life until you awaken to this inner dynamic and begin the journey of integrating it within yourself.

Its crucial that we get to a level of understanding whereby we acknowledge our part in creating painful experiences. When we acknowledge our part, we are ready to pull the thoughts and feelings that contributed to our suffering right from the roots. We slowly begin to understand that all that we have been through has been a prelude to self realization.

The next time you are tempted to spread your negativity, stop and become a witness. Observe what your mouth wants to speak and hear the thoughts that your mind wants to express. It is completely liberating when you make the connection between the point of origin and the manifestation of negativity. Then you no longer walk on the path of the unattractive but will be seen as attractive by everyone who crosses your path.