03/31/2015 03:42 pm ET Updated May 31, 2015

Indiana Religious Freedom Bill: A Fictional Story

Two friends named Neal and Bob lived in Indiana and were very excited when Governor Mike Pence signed the Indiana Religious Freedom Restoration Act into law. They had long wanted to open a restaurant but, being devout Christians, cared not to serve those who flaunt their sins. After all, you would never catch Jesus coalescing with the like.

They pooled their savings, borrowed money from the bank, and announced the grand opening. Not being fans of idle hands, Neal became the cook and Bob made himself the waiter.

Soon their first customers arrived, a group of four young women. Bob walked over with a big smile so he could take their order. Before he could, however, he overheard their conversation.

"I cannot believe Susan got the promotion," one of the ladies said.
"Me either," another said. "Makes you wonder, doesn't it?"

Bob was very distraught. "I cannot serve you ladies. I'm sorry. But the Bible is very clear. Romans 1:29 clearly says that gossip is a sin, just like murder. I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

The women left and soon a middle aged couple arrived. Bob rushed to the table to take their order.

"I'm starving," the heavyset man said. "I'll have a double cheese burger, large fries, two hot dogs, and a large strawberry milkshake."

Bob's heart sank. "I'm sorry. I cannot serve you. Proverbs 23:21 clearly says that gluttony is a sin. Please leave."

As he approached the table of his next potential customers, they were reading their horoscopes. "Arrggg!" Bob shouted and pointed his finger toward the door. "Deuteronomy 4:19."

And so the day went. He sent away every customer that came in: the guy who told his wife a little white lie, the woman who mentioned her ex-husband, the couple arguing, the fellow who was angry for getting a parking ticket, the huge group bragging on their softball tournament victory, the ones complaining about the weather, the one who cussed, the girl envious of her friend's purse, the guy who whistled at the woman in the tight fitting dress, the woman in the tight fitting dress, everyone with a tattoo, the one with the Charles Darwin t-shirt, etc.

By the evening of the opening day, they had not served one person, nor made one dollar. Neal and Bob were getting nervous. Suddenly they looked outside and saw a huge church bus park in the parking lot. Out poured 30 churchgoers and headed for their place. They were very excited.

The customers filled the entire place taking up every table. Neal and Bob felt truly blessed. Bob went from table to table taking order after order. As he turned to take the orders to Neal, the group began talking about Barack Obama.

"I'll be glad when we get a Christian back in the White House."
"Yeah, I know he's a Muslim."
"I hate him."
"He was born in Kenya."
"He wants America to fail."
"He had 'In God We Trust' removed from the new dollar coins."
"He had Mount Rushmore covered during the government shutdown."

Bob almost cried. "Please, everyone, I'm going to have to ask that you all leave."

"Why?" they all shouted.

"Where do I begin?" Bob asked. "Lying, anger, hatred, judging, and 2 Peter 2:10 tells us not to despise authority and Romans, chapter 13 says to respect the government."

As Neal and Bob closed up the restaurant after the grand opening first day, they were very sad. They sat at one of the tables to talk it over.

"I think we might be taking this new law too far," Neal said. "I think we should limit it to the more serious sins."

"But the Bible says all sins are equal," Bob said.

"Well I think some are more serious than others."

Bob thought. "You're right. The Ten Commandments are more important."

"No, not those," Neal said. "Keep thinking."

"I've got it," Bob replied. "The seven sins mentioned in Proverbs 6 that the Lord finds detestable: Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush to evil, a false witness, and a person who stirs up conflict. But how will we recognize those?"

"OK, let's forget about the guessing game," Neal said. "Let me just tell you what I've heard. Some people are saying that this new law is just so business owners can refuse service to gay people."

"Ohhhh, homosexuality. That makes sense. But is that true?" Bob asked.

"It doesn't matter," Neal answered. "That's the beauty of it. We can use it that way if we want to, and it will be legal."

They were both very happy with their new plan. Nothing could bring them down as they drove home with renewed vigor. They stopped by a convenience store to get gas and Bob handed the clerk his credit card. "We need to fill up, please. Praise God."

"Are you Christians?" the clerk asked.

Neal and Bob nodded. "You bet we are, my friend," Bob said.

The clerk with the beard and turban handed Bob back his card. "Then I do not have to serve you."

"What?" Bob yelled. "That's discrimination."

And Neal added, "See, everyone picks on Christians."

The End.