In both entrepreneurship and love, your limiting beliefs can defeat you -- that is, if you let them.
When Kelly Muldoon, founder of Soulfully Successful Women, asked me to be a speaker at her upcoming telesummit, which focuses on learning how to turn your purpose and passion into profit, I was both excited and scared shitless. I was elated about the opportunity and honored to be in the company of Fran Harris, Kelly O'Neil, Carolyn Ellis, and Tracey Fieber, just a few of the super-successful female entrepreneurs who will also be speaking during the summit, but I was also immediately plagued by my limiting beliefs: "Oh, God, I'm not sure I can do this"; "I'm not capable enough to do this yet."; "I'm not good or talented enough to be placed alongside some of the leading experts in the world."
Such noise!
Ever since starting my dating coaching business, I've learned that to be an entrepreneur you have to constantly push past the noise, the voices in your head that say you can't do something. Those voices think they are protecting you, keeping you safe, but what they are really doing is holding you back; they don't want to see you succeed, because they know the journey to get there will be scary and uncomfortable and takes effort and commitment. You can be sure that many budding and established entrepreneurs sit up at night held back by their limiting beliefs; fears and self-doubt are common impediments to an entrepreneur's journey. I've cried enough tears to fill a river, worrying about my capabilities as an entrepreneur, terrified of failing. It's taken a lot of soul-searching and pointed reflection to understand what's behind these fears on a deeper level and to push past them. Whenever I have anxiety over taking a particular step in my business, I now ask myself: "OK, what's really behind this fear, and how can I work through it so that I can take that positive step forward?" It doesn't mean those fears will ever be gone entirely, but at least I'm aware of where they come from and can learn to manage them as I grow my business and as I evolve.
Now let's try an experiment. I've rewritten that last paragraph, changing a few words so that it applies to dating and love.
Ever since starting my dating journey, I've learned that to be a dater and to create love in your life, you have to constantly push past the noise, the voices in your head that say you can't do something or that you won't find somebody wonderful. Those voices think they are protecting you, keeping you safe, but what they are really doing is holding you back; they don't want you to find a healthy, happy relationship, because they know the journey to get there will be scary and uncomfortable and takes effort and commitment. You can be sure that many singles sit up at night held back by limiting beliefs; fears and self-doubt are common impediments to a dater's journey. I've cried enough tears to fill a river, worrying about whether I was good enough, pretty enough, and worthy of love, terrified of failing, of rejection, of losing control. It's taken a lot of soul-searching and pointed reflection to understand what's behind these fears on a deeper level and to push past them. Whenever I have anxiety over taking a particular step in my dating journey, I now ask myself, "OK, what's really behind this fear, and how can I work through it so that I can take that positive step forward?" It doesn't mean those fears will ever be gone entirely, but at least I'm aware of where they come from and can learn to manage them as I grow and evolve in my dating and love journey.
That's precisely the attitude that led me to Dave, my fiancée.
Instead of having a mind that is in charge of you, instead of allowing your limiting beliefs to rule your life, you can use your mind as a tool to make smarter decisions, to empower you to take positive action in both entrepreneurial endeavors and dating/love. When that email came through to me from Kelly, I took charge of my mind. Instead of passing on the opportunity, because of my fears, I stopped to reflect on where the voices were coming from and said to myself: "You've got something to say, Neely. People want to hear your message. You can do this--nothing is stopping you!" And then, like a true entrepreneur, I took action and said "YES!" (If you are interested in joining this free telesummit, which takes place August 9 through the 19th, you can sign up here.)
In your dating life, stop permitting the voices to tell you that you're not worthy of love, that you can't do something or create lasting love in your life, that your past will be your future. Work through your beliefs -- like any entrepreneur must do to move her venture forward -- understand where they come from, take responsibility for perpetuating them in your life, and, most importantly, take action (in the face of them) so that you empower yourself to go in new and magnificent directions.