Vladimir Putin

I hate to break it to you, Vlad. You've made a poor choice of venue for this one. Cause the Olympics are really, really gay. I'm not talking figure skating, or the two-man luge. I'm talking about the great Olympics of the ancient Greeks.

An unrecognized breakaway Republic sandwiched between Moldova and Ukraine, it has been called the most lawless place in Europe and is rumored to be a thriving transit zone for arms and human trafficking.