08/06/2014 11:16 am ET Updated Oct 06, 2014

23 Things That Were at the 'On The Run Tour' at the Rose Bowl

  1. Beyonce: Looking literally flawless. As flawless in person as she appears on film and in pictures, which I didn't know was humanly possible.
  2. Jay Z: Not quite as flawless as Beyonce, but still much more flawless than your average person (aka all the envious audience members like me).
  3. Fire: Not only from the stage, but erupting from the two speaker towers towards the back of the floor. The pyrotechnics were on point.
  4. Outfit changes: Between the two of them, there were probably 20 outfits on stage throughout the night. Leather, spandex, sparkles -- they had it all.
  5. A '99 Problems' jersey: On that note, Jay Z wore a jersey with '99 Problems' on it, and it was perfect.
  6. Rain: The half hour or so leading up to the start of the show, we experienced some pretty serious rain showers. There were ponchos and even some umbrellas to be seen in the completely outdoors Rose Bowl stadium. However, the rain stopped just as Beyonce and Jay Z made their first appearance, which I am almost completely convinced was not a coincidence.
  7. Art: Everything about the production was an art piece -- from the dancing, to the outfits, to the hair (which was, of course, flawless) was art; the entire show was a story, and was clearly a vision come to life. This was particularly evident in the music videos/vignettes that were played in-between live performances, which helped tell the story of Beyonce and Jay Z's alter Bonnie-and-Clyde egos.
  8. Tears: My 50-year-old mother and I both may have shed some tears. It was an emotional rollercoaster.
  9. Feminism: Between "Pretty Hurts" and "Who Run The World," Beyonce did a kick-ass job at showing that she is really more than "just his little wife" (not that anyone had doubts that she runs the relationship/ the world).
  10. Samples: Throughout the night, Beyonce and Jay Z incorporated samples from a variety of other artists, from Justice, to the Jackson 5, to Lauryn Hill.
  11. Illuminati: Lots of triangles were thrown up throughout the night, both for ROC and for the illuminati, which I am in no uncertain terms sure they are in charge of.
  12. Booty: There was a lot of booty going on, including an entire song where Beyonce and her dancers wore thongs and fishnets. Nobody was complaining.
  13. Sex appeal: So. Much. Sex. Appeal. Real talk for a second -- do people naturally have that much sex appeal, or is it something that develops over time? Because I have never felt so un-sexy as I did watching Beyonce gyrate in a sparkly leotard over some sort of leather chair/pommel horse contraption.
  14. Les Twins: The identical twin brothers from France joined Beyonce for most of her high-energy numbers, and helped me feel even worse about my own spastic dance moves from the audience.
  15. Energy: My feet started hurting about an hour into the show, while Beyonce sang AND DANCED for another two and a half hours. She's not human, guys.
  16. Long pauses: When Beyonce and Jay Z first came onstage, they basically just stood there looking fierce while the thousands of fans clapped and screamed in excitement. Then, in the middle of the already emotionally charged "Why Don't You Love Me," Beyonce took a minute-long pause to just stand, like the badass boss woman that she is, staring into the crowd. She then nodded before resuming the song. Was this some kind of allusion to the divorce rumors? Honestly, I'm not sure. But what I am sure of is that if there is a divorce in this power couple's future, Beyonce will be just fine.
  17. A wedding pantsuit: Beyonce sang the heartfelt (this is where the tears came in) "Resentment" in a white wedding pantsuit. And she looked amazing, of course.
  18. Throwbacks: From "If I Were a Boy" to "Dirt Off Your Shoulder," we partied like it was the early 2000s.
  19. D'USSÉ: Jay Z's beloved (and oft sung about) cognac had its own VIP section on the floor -- complete with giant jars of mixed drinks. My invite must have gotten lost in the mail.
  20. Instagrams: And Snapchats, and Facebook posts, and photos, and videos. None of them did justice to the live show.
  21. Celebrity mugshots: Towards the end of the show, they played a montage of celebrity mugshots, featuring Jay Z himself, Tupac, Russell Brand, and, my personal favorite, Justin Bieber.
  22. Home videos: To close the show, they projected never-before-seen home videos of the entire Carter family -- including many that show Blue's rarely-seen-but-completely-adorable face. They were goofy, lovable, and real -- for a moment, you forgot that they are perhaps the most famous family in the world.
  23. A lot of relationship speculation: Amid divorce rumors, it felt like every member of the audience (myself admittedly included) was on the edge of their seat waiting to see if they would find the couple's future in their performance. In doing so, it was clear we were all playing into Beyonce and Jay Z's game -- they are incredible performers, and it was hard to leave feeling like we had gained any insight into the state of their union. The only thing that's for sure is that we are living in Bey and Jay's world, and we may as well resign to that right now.