There are a lot of bad things going on in the world this week, but Angelina and Brad are not among them. For one thing, I actually know who Angelina and Brad are. She has huge lips, and those lips stay pretty much the same no matter what. Even when Angelina dyes her hair blonde, I know it's her. Also, there's the baby, stapled to her mid-section, which is a fashion accessory that I'm sure will last long after her youngest child is old enough to run in a marathon; this too helps me identify her, and I am grateful.
Today's paper says Angelina is pregnant. I'm a little shocked but I'm dealing with it. Last week I read in Us Magazine that Brad and Angelina were fighting over whether to become pregnant, and that Angelina's position on the question was that she was not willing to become pregnant if there was even one orphan left in the world. I loved that! I really got into that! It was so Angelina! Of course, it turns out not to be "true" in the literal sense of the word, which is to say that it seems unlikely Angelina actually "said" those words last week, or meant them if she did say them, but so what? Why carp over details? Who cares? It's the kind of thing Angelina might have said at some point. And at least I know what the woman looks like.
Which is more than I can say for Britney. Who is Britney? What has she done to have so many blowsy pictures of herself in magazines? I usually know it's Britney because her name is right next to her picture, but I feel as if I walked in late in the plot of her life, and no one bothered to explain to me what she's doing here, much less why she spells her name that way. Is she the one involved with Kevin Federline or someone else? I'll tell you who I really miss: that country singer who married Renee Zellweger. I liked that guy because he looked exactly like Renee in a hat, so you could pretty much tell who he was, but he lasted only a second and then he was gone. Oh well.
Meanwhile, I was planning to read the piece about Lindsay Lohan and her anorexia in this month's Vanity Fair. I sort of know who Lindsay Lohan is, she's the one with the horrible father. Or else she's the one with the horrible stepfather. Father, stepfather, it's a detail. But yesterday, just as I was about to read the article, Lindsay issued a statement through her publicist claiming that she did not say many of the quotes that are attributed to her in it. What is this woman's problem? Why bother denying quotes? No one cares whether what she said is true or not, Get with it, girl! And if she's truly into denying things, why not claim she had nothing whatsoever to do with the photographs either? Since the photographs don't look like Lindsay Lohan, why not claim they're actually of someone else, like an Olsen twin? Why stop there? Why not claim the pictures are of that person who poses for pictures of JT Leroy? Of course Lindsay Lohan has probably never heard of JT Leroy. But neither had I until very recently.
Which brings me to James Frey and his best-selling book A Million Little Pieces. I meant to read that book. I have a sneaker for books on the best seller list, and I'm a fairly pathetic follower of Oprah, who turned Frey's book into a best-seller. Last summer, along with thousands of other slavish Oprah acolytes, I read Anna Karenina, and let me tell you that is one swell book. By the way, Anna Karenina is a novel. That means it's fiction. But why get hung up on such distinctions? No one else does. Frey himself was on Larry King last night, with his mother no less, and he said, "In the memoir genre the writer generally takes liberties." What a great quote! And he came right out and admitted he changed a few "details." In his book, for example, Frey says he spent three months in jail, but it turns out he spent only one night in jail. In his book he says he was arrested for smoking crack, but it turns out he was arrested for being drunk. I'm with Oprah, who called the Larry King show to support Frey, and said that the whole concern over whether he was telling the truth or not was just "much ado about nothing." I feel the same way about what the President says about how we're doing in the war. I mean, big deal. We have got to get past these details and focus on what is important.
And by the way, how great that Frey let his mother - who undoubtedly at some point encouraged him in his gift for a million little embellishing details -appear on the Larry King Show with him. Now if I could just get Frey's face straight in my head I'd be completely happy.