09/21/2006 03:27 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

A Few Reasons why I Love America

This is a report on an un-announced Republican Planning Agenda. Sadly, President Bush scheduled to make a major address at the meeting concerning methodology in holding press conferences while managing to answer nothing will be unable to attend. The President's speech will be given by Tony Snow, an expert on the subject.

6:00 p.m. - Bill Frist announces he will introduce a bill requiring Rendition to Syria for Flag Burners
6:05 p.m. - Opening prayers by Rev. Jerry Falwell followed by a Pat Robertson proclamation: God listens only to Christians, particularly me!

6:30 p.m. - Karen Hughes leads a pro-war roundtable.
6:45 p.m. - Tom Delay speaks and denies that he was ever involved in any wrongdoing
7:00 p.m. - Tribute to Tony Blair and ceremony making him an American citizen

7:10 p.m. - Auction of Judy Miller's prison garb to benefit the Scooter Libby defense fund

7:25 p.m. - Tribute to Tobago for joining the "coalition of the willing"

7:45 p.m. - Pro-war rally led by Joe Leiberman
8:25 p.m. Tom Delay speaks and denies that he was ever involved in any wrongdoing

8:30 p.m. - Torture workshop
8:45 p.m. - Report by Karl Rove on procedures and methods used to divulge the name of Valerie Plame Wilson.
9:00 p.m. - Mass wedding ceremony between all congressmen who have divorced their wives to marry their secretaries or staff members.

9:15 p.m. - Political lynching of Colin Powell for his anti-torture letter to John McCain.
9:30.p.m. - * Intermission * Music by the Dixie Chicks

10:00.p.m. - Burning of the Iranian flag by John Bolton.
10:10 p.m. - Re-enactment of Military awards ceremony for George Bush, Dick Cheney, and Condoleezza Rice

10:20.p.m. - Cameo appearance by Rush Limbaugh denying that he was ever addicted to anything other then M&M's

10:30 p.m. - Daughters of the American Revolution demonstration to repeal habeas corpus

10:49 p.m. - Tom Delay speaks and denies that he was ever involved in any wrongdoing

10:50 p.m. - Reaffirming allegiance to the UN if they agree to never invite Hugo Chavez to speak again

11:00 p.m. - Workshop on how to vilify gays and lesbians unless they are immediate relatives

11:15 p.m. - Workshop for accountants about hiding the National debt while reducing taxes on the wealthy

11:30 p.m. - Technical workshop on methods developed by the NSA to spy on all Americans.
11:45 p.m. - "Swift Boating" plans for upcoming Presidential election.
11:59 p.m. - Tom Delay speaks and denies that he was ever involved in any wrongdoing

12:00 p.m. - Report on Objective Journalism by Bill O'Reilly

The Vice-President delivers the closing address recounting how it is possible to reduce gasoline prices in front of the mid term election and listing the Republican victories and accomplishments over the last 6 years, among many others:

Iraq: Mission Accomplished
Afghanistan: Poppy production dramatically increased, more people getting killed
Katrina: 300,000 fewer blacks in New Orleans
Taxes: Top 1% taxed at lowest rate in 70 years
The National Debt: almost doubled
NSA spying: now includes American citizens
Torture: we're putting it in writing as we get better at it
Health Care: insurance companies making more money than ever, drug companies making huge profits in Medicare drug delivery
Prescriptions: Americans still pay 50 % more than Canadians (drug companies make more money than ever)
Stem Cell Research: much curtailed, will finish it off next year
Environment: no longer an issue
Proving that Global warming is a proven Al Gore fantasy
UN: who cares?
Social Security: unfortunately, still exists

Closing ceremony - Laura Bush burns Venezuelan flag in a tribute to Hugo Chavez

If the Republicans can say stuff about the Democrats, why shouldn't a Democrat (me) do the same thing?