12/01/2008 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

A Preamble to Election Night

Here's a preamble to election night:

I am predicting that 26% of single ownership newspapers will call it a landslide for Obama. Only one media conglomerate will refrain from using the word. 66% of those voters who have been calling themselves "Undecided" will admit to fraudulently claiming their independence and confess that they were simply enjoying their 15 minutes. And some years from now when the anthropological studies are concluded, it will have been determined that 82.1% of American women could arrange their hair, purse their lips and with the help of certain glsses, look like Sarah Palin.