This post was originally published on Peaceful Mothering with Olga Dossa.
Dear Mama,
I write this to you with so much love in my heart. I write this and I really, really hope that you can feel into your heart and let this land for you.
No one is going to save you.
I know it feels hard sometimes. And I know that you know that you will be the best mama for your children when your cup is full. Yes, you know this. When Mama is happy, everyone is happy.
This is not new information.
I know that you have so many responsibilities. You may be struggling to make ends meet. You may have children with special needs. You may have a husband who comes home late, making you feel like you are single mama most of the time. You may actually be a single mama and have the responsibilities of mother and father on your shoulders. You may be tired -- so, so tired. You may feel like your husband is not supportive, you may feel like he does not appreciate you.
So, you may be stuck with the conflict that says of course you need to place value on yourself.
But, how? And when? With what money? With what time?
It feels impossible, I know.
The truth is that you are the only one who can turn this around.
There is no knight in shining armor who is going to ride in on his white horse with a million dollars, a full-time nanny and housekeeper and a full day voucher to the spa.
The knight in shining armor is you. You are the only one who is going to save you.
I believe that mothers who do not prioritize themselves are hurting their children.
Their children are hurting because they are not seeing the best version of their mothers. Their children are hurting because their mother is shouting at them. Their mother is shouting at them because she is so so tired, her hormones are not supporting her and neither is her husband. Their children are hurting because their mother feels so guilty for feeling so bad, she feels helpless and she is teaching her children to become helpless.
No one is going to save you.
It takes one decision. One decision that says that you are worth taking care of. One decision that says that you are going to figure this out. One decision that says that no matter what happens in the outside world, if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
Mothers are the most powerful energy in a family dynamic. The whole family revolves around the matriarch. So, if that matriarch is not strong in herself, the whole rotation is unbalanced. Children feel very unsafe in a situation where their mother is uncertain and unwell.
Go to that yoga class. See that dentist. Invest in that coach. Budget for that massage. Prioritize that bubble bath. Talk to your boss. Get a new boss. Talk to your husband. Ask for support. Be vulnerable. Admit that you don't have it all figured out.
It takes great courage to admit that we have made mistakes and that we do not know what to do. But, it is a necessary first step. And when we are courageous enough to be vulnerable with those we love, we give them permission to be vulnerable too.
We allow everyone to be imperfect. Now, isn't that a breath of fresh air?
Love yourself first, Dear Mama. We need you to be full. We need you to be overflowing. Overflow with love for yourself and watch your whole world change.
Your children deserve it, yes they do.
And, even more than your children -- you, dear mama, deserve to be the best version of yourself that you came here to be.
You did not come to this planet to suffer.
You came here to thrive.