Writing Your Term Paper in 12 Steps

04/10/2014 03:40 pm ET Updated Jun 10, 2014

Sitting down and starting to write your term paper is hard. Which is why everything needs to be perfect. Once you get yourself in the "writing zone," the paper will practically write itself. In order to get started there are a few important steps you have to take.

Step 1: Open and Save a File

First, open a new document. Save it right away, so that you won't find yourself realizing half way through the paper that you forgot to save. The power might go out, and everything you wrote will be gone. Saving right from the start will make it easier to save later. Once you have a file ready and saved, you can move on to the next step.

Step 2: Hunt That Fly!

You can't be expected to concentrate on writing when that pesky fly is buzzing around your face. It's like working next to a chainsaw. You have to hunt the fly, whatever it takes. Close your bedroom door to lock him in, and follow his movement. Once he settles on a wall, strike him with a newspaper. Job well done. You can now go back to your chair, and proceed to step three.

Step 3: Buy a New Chair

Your chair is so uncomfortable. It's like sitting on daggers. How did you ever get anything done in this chair? You have to go to IKEA and buy a new chair right away. Get something comfy, with good lumbar support. Go back home and assemble it, using the easy-to-follow instructions. Now that your chair is ready, you can sit down and really work. Which brings us to step four.

Step 4: Nap

You just assembled a chair by yourself. You so deserve a good nap. You earned it. Just one hour, and than you'll feel refreshed and ready to write. Plus, you'll probably get some really good ideas while you dream, that will totally help you move forward with your paper.

Step 5: Post-Nap Activities

You just got up; you're not very focused. Take 30 minutes to really wake up. Have a snack, check your emails, go on Facebook to see what happened while you were sleeping. After you've done all this, you can move up to step six.

Step 6: Investigating the Girl Who Commented on Your Status

You posted a status this morning, and while you were napping, you got a comment from a friend who happens to look sort of cute. That demands some investigating. Go on her profile. Check out some more pictures and see what TV shows and music she's into. Do you have some stuff in common? Maybe send her a message. Then you can start really working on your paper. Open the file you so smartly saved in step one. Now, move to step seven.

Step 7: Check if She Replied Yet

Did you get a message back? Check. You didn't. Okay, no sweat. It's just been a couple of minutes. Maybe she hadn't seen it yet. Check if there is a "V" sign next to it. There is? That means she saw it. She's probably busy right now, maybe writing her own term paper. In a few minutes she'll probably answer you. In the meanwhile, you can move on to step eight.

Step 8: Reevaluate Everything in Your Personality

Surely she saw something she didn't like, or else she would have written you back. Try and think of everything about yourself that you don't like. Obsess about it for a few hours. It could also be something on your Facebook page. Go back seven years in your timeline and erase everything that might look creepy, unfunny, embarrassing or that could be misinterpreted. Now that your mind -- and Facebook -- are clean, you can re-open your document and move on to step nine.

Step 9: Write a Title

The title of your paper is very important. A good title could put your professor in a good mood while reading, and thus might convince him to give you a good grade. You need some sort of play on words. Go on Google and search for some famous phrases from history that you could incorporate into your title. Maybe a Gandhi or a Nelson Mandela.

Step 10: Google Nelson Mandela

How much do you really know about him? You know he was the president of South Africa. But what made him so important? People are gonna talk about him, you should know some facts so you could contribute to the conversation. You don't want to look stupid. Plus, maybe you'll even find out he's somehow related to the paper you have to write. That would be amazing. Spend some time on Wikipedia and learn something. While you're at it, Wiki some other important people you don't know anything about. What were some important accomplishments by John F. Kennedy?

Step 11: Spiral into Never-ending Conspiracy Theories

Speaking of JFK, did you know that there could have been more than one gunman? I mean, people are saying this whole thing could have been a revenge plan by the CIA for the Bay of Pigs! There is information out there that will blow your mind. 9/11, big pharmaceuticals, Princess Diana. It's all connected somehow. You should spend the night investigating. Some things are more important than a term paper, man. These are the biggest secrets in the world!

Step 12: Save the File

Did you save? You don't want everything you wrote to be deleted, right? I mean, it's been 24 hours since you've started. You must have written quite a bit.