08/23/2011 06:53 pm ET Updated Oct 24, 2011

Lawn Chairs Toppled by East Coast Earthquake

An earthquake that measured 5.9 on the Richter scale devastated the Eastern Seaboard this afternoon, toppling lawn chairs and causing loose change to jingle on hard surfaces.

"It was horrible," said NYU graduate student Meredith Gunzer. "One minute we were sitting there and the next we, well, I guess we were still just sitting there."

Mayor Bloomberg issued a state of emergency, mandating that New York citizens continue talking about how crazy a tremor in New York is.

Al Qaeda released a tape taking credit for the disturbance.

Originally featured in the Daily Pygmy.