"Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it." -- Ann Landers
Letting go isn't easy, especially in relationships. And letting go of your marriage, spouse or partner can be one of the hardest things to do in life. Yet, it can be the most rewarding, positive, life-changing experience you will ever have. Letting go allows you to express your real self -- the one that doesn't require any attachments to feel safe or happy. Truth be told, your real self already has everything you need to feel secure and happy. Be willing to get to know the real you. That begins with letting go of those people (places or things) that you mistakenly believed brought you security and/or happiness. That belief (which you have the power to change) keeps you imprisoned and locked in a cycle of low self-worth, dependency, and misguided duty or obligation. Very unhealthy, to say the least.
There are other reasons why it's good to let go. For one thing, it allows you to make room for new, positive experiences. When you let go of a person with whom you've had a relationship, you are in a position to create something totally new. It's your chance to take all those things you loved about your past relationship as well as all those things you wished you had but didn't, and combine them as your vision for your ultimate relationship. Of course, if you're not ready for that, you can still use that opening to do something in your life you never had the chance to do before. Try something new!
But aside from the reasons why you should let go, there's still the dilemma of how you're going to feel good about it. It just doesn't seem that easy when you're letting go of someone you've loved or still love. But consider this: You, as a divine and creative being, have the power to choose to feel good about it. In my experience, this is something most people miss. We are conditioned to believe that letting go of a relationship, marriage, spouse or partner is going to make us feel bad. We don't even consider the idea that we can actually choose to feel good about it. While it's natural to feel sad over your loss, you don't need to be stuck in that sadness for as long as you think. Know that the most crucial first step to feeling good about letting go is to simply decide to. Your decision about how your future experience will be determines your outcome. You have that power of choice, so use it!
This isn't to deny or suppress your emotions. On the contrary, choosing to feel good about letting go actually helps to view and express them in a much healthier manner. You won't dwell upon your grief and sadness, thereby perpetuating it even further. Instead, your emotions become more balanced as you detach from the drama of it all.
Once you make the decision to feel good about letting go, you can follow these suggestions to help that good feeling continue:
• Stop forfeiting your time doing things you don't love. Although it's necessary to allot time to your responsibilities and obligations, don't waste your time on thoughts or activities that consistently bring you down. Stop reading negative, angry or depressing posts, watching sad movies about lost love or listening to songs about heartache. They don't serve you in the least. Use your time doing things that support what you love and enjoy -- especially if it's creative and fun. And do them without guilt.
• Go out in nature. Nature has a very healing and uplifting effect. Spend at least 30 minutes a day outside. Connect with the earth, trees, plants and animals. If you can be near water, that's even better! I believe that water is cleansing to the emotions and mental clutter. In time, your outing will help you to feel the energy of a positive, new beginning.
• Happily daydream and wonder. Use the creative imagination of your inner child to wonder what it would be like if you had ______ or experienced ______ (but don't include your ex in it, as that would defeat the purpose). Do this daily. Your joyful inner child is begging to be expressed, so let your imagination lead the way. When you think and dream of joyful and magical things, you become happier! And so what if you feel silly -- being silly always brings a smile, right?
Once you let go, you allow the universe to step in to bring benefit to everyone involved -- especially you. Benefit = goodness, health, happiness, prosperity, blessings, assistance.... the list goes on. Holding on creates unhealthy attachments that hurt everyone involved -- especially you. By holding on and believing that letting go feels "bad," you're not going to see or feel the benefits. Your thoughts and beliefs about letting go are your biggest detractors so change them and decide to feel good about it. You just might find your newfound freedom feels good after all.
Pamela Dussault, creator of www.PassageToInnerJoy.com, is a spiritual teacher, mentor, intuitive counselor and medium, soul mate relationship specialist, founder of the R.E.A.P. healing method, and author.
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