05/25/2013 08:29 am ET Updated Jul 25, 2013

Heck, I Can Do That!


The talented country singer -- and most recent Celebrity Apprentice winner -- Trace Adkins recorded a song called, "Hell, I Can Do That!" about three years ago. I've interviewed Trace twice, and after listening to his song before one of my sit-downs with him, I realized he was on to something.

There are many, many things I can't do. Like change the oil in my car; operate a bulldozer; brain surgery; make Kanye West smile. But, there are tons of things this baby boomer could do given the appropriate opportunity. I see a lot of people doing what seems to be no-brainer tasks... and they make lots of money. It drives me crazy that people become rich doing things that are so simple -- that I could do. Here are 10 things on my list. (What's on your list?)

1. Disney voice. I can talk. I could voice a character on one of those Disney Pixar films. They hired comedienne Ellen DeGeneres to voice that cute adorable regal tang, Dory, in Finding Nemo. If she hadn't voiced that adorable fish, I could have done that. The movie would have been as popular with my voice coming out of Dory's fish lips. Too late. Cartoon Network, call me.

2. Dancing With the Stars. I'm not the greatest dancer, but I can waltz like the popular rapper, Master P, and country singer, Billy Ray Cyrus. (I love them both!) If, of course, Dancing With the Stars ever does an alternative version: "Dancing With Journalists and Paparazzi Who Cover the Stars." You want clumsy? I can do that!

3. American Idol judge, The Voice judge, X Factor judge. I listen to music. What's the big deal? It's a crap shoot anyway. I can sit there at a table and tell those sweet, idealistic contestants whether they can carry a tune or not. How hard is that? Yes, I can really do that.

4. Reality star. Why can't I be the sidekick to Kris Kardashian-Jenner; those Duck Dynasty families; Mama June; Housewives of Anywhere? I show up, say a few scripted words and be on my way. "Mama June, pass the chips." "Kris, Kanye's acting up again." "I see duck poop." "Shut up! No, YOU shut up! Get out of my face! You just Shut UP!!"

5. Vanna White's job on Wheel of Fortune. I can walk. I can smile. I can make those letters light up. I can giggle. I can definitely do that.

6. The View co-host. I have incredible sincere opinions about everything. I have red hair. I like everyone in the whole wide world. I can sit and listen until it's my turn to talk. Heck, I can do that for the next 16 years.

7. Introduce Brian Williams on the NBC Nightly News. Michael Douglas has other gigs. He doesn't need the work. Here you go, Brian: "From NBC News world headquarters in New York, this is NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams." I'm visualizing. Picture it. I could do that if you'd let me. Nobody has to know my name.

8. 2014 Oscar Host. I've watched movies all my life. What other credentials do I need? It just takes one good dose of guts (and maybe some muscle relaxers). When has an audience member (the people who buy tickets to see movies) ever hosted the Oscars? My faves don't appear to be coming back: Billy Crystal, Billy Crystal, Billy Crystal. About time? Unless Billy Crystal is coming back... I could do that.

9. Write a cook book. Don't get me started on how many thousands of cook books are out there. Mine will be called (and I'm working on it), "The Fish Stick Cook Book"... for kids and adults of all ages who truly have no time to cook and/or Hate to cook. You heard it here. I can do that. I will do that.

10. Nicki Minaj stylist. I lived through the '60s and '70s when fashion was beginning to make "far out" statements. I can do that with my eyes closed.

Earlier on Huff/Post50:

10 Great Ideas For Retirement Jobs